Mystery Box #031

00:32 - Pat: Who is that black guy? Woolie: Why is there a black guy, who is that? Woolie: Was that Cindy on the side? Pat: OK I have played a little bit of 15, I have not seen a black guy Woolie: I don’t know anything about what was happening there! Pat: Why is this in pixel art? Woolie: OK so first thing- Pat: OK no wait Both after eachother: Stop, stop, stop, stop Woolie: This is a pre-order bonus that you get with Final Fantasy 15 Woolie: Which means, they’re ok with you not seeing this ever, in theory.

01:01 - Pat: Which sucks cuz this music’s rad Woolie: And, and, this is a, this is a, a, related somehow, lets find out I guess? Woolie: Yeah? Well let’s make sure that, yep, ok, wanna check that out.

01:15 - Pat: How to play. Woolie: Alright. Pat: Roll dodge, companion attacks.

01:21 - Wolie: Armiger. Cast. Pat: Toggle magic.

01:26 - Woolie: Beat em up controls Pat: That’s- ok, why are there 20 pages? Woolie: Whoa! Woolie: Oh god…

01:32 - Woolie: Really? Wow! OK. Pat: OK. Woolie: We’ve got stuff! Woolie: Yup. OK. Beat-em-up rules.

01:41 - Pat: Once a high enough combo, Weshkam, Cid, and Clarus…

01:46 - Woolie: Is that young Cid? Pat: That’s young Cid.

01:48 - Woolie: Cuz that looked like Cindy for a second but we’re fighting as Cid.

01:54 - Pat: Oh fuck, there’s a lot here. Woolie: There’s a system. Or two.

01:59 - Woolie: Yup. Pat: OK Pat: Oh wow, it’s explaining the whole game Woolie: The whole syst- the whole thing.

02:07 - Pat: OK. Woolie: Alright. Woolie: Yup. Tips. Tips on every bad guy type.

02:12 - Woolie: That’s what- that’s what it’s telling you.

02:15 - Pat: Oh Behemoth? Radical. Woolie: Great.

02:18 - Woolie: Great. Woolie: Uhhh… Pat: Oh! You know what this is? Woolie: What? Pat: This is Regis telling Noctus when he’s injured after Brotherhood’s casual thing.

02:28 - Pat: Um. The- the stories of him and his bros.

02:31 - Woolie: Ooooooh, so Cid was a bro? Pat: Cid was a bro.

02:35 - Pat: Woolie. Woolie: I’m sorry. (chuckles) Pat: Woolie…

02:39 - Woolie: This is the dumbest problem. Pat: This is the stupidest thing.

02:45 - Pat: This is the stupidest thing in a while.

02:49 - Pat: So I get a- uh I- Woolie’s fuckin’ Monster energy drink can was in front of the television.

02:55 - Pat: And it’s tall enough, that it was blocking some of the subtitles.

03:02 - Pat: That’s stupid. Pat: This- this music is fucking fantastic.

03:10 - Pat: This is- sounds just like VI. Woolie: Oh yeah? Pat: Yeah.

03:14 - Woolie: OK. Woolie: (reads the subtitles) Pat: Oh yeah Woolie: Yeaah, baby Noct.

03:19 - Pat: I’ve heard ‘em all! How ‘bout a new one? Pat: Tell me about the cool shit you did, Sean Bean dad.

03:26 - Woolie: Oh you’re gonna get Sean Beaned so hard.

03:29 - Pat: Certainly had my share of the habbidhe Pat: (reads subtitles) Woolie: Tell me about that awesome car outside.

03:41 - Pat: What’s up with the car? Woolie: Aw, he’s not in Sean Bean form.

03:46 - Pat: No. Pat: It started a while ago.

03:51 - Pat: At the character select screen. Woolie: (laughs) It all began.

03:56 - Woolie: Oh boy. Pat: Oh. Woolie: Oh! Pat: Can I not play? Woolie: I hope- I hope eventually, but for now…

04:05 - Woolie: OK. Pat: What’s wrong with the city? Pat: Not by soldiers? Woolie: Why on Eos would Weskham send for me at this houradaduh Woolie: Ka-thoom! Pat: No-beard Regis sucks.

04:20 - Woolie: Oh! Here we are. Pat: Despicable curs? Pat: Alright, do it! Pat: How’s that feel? Woolie: Uhhhhh.

04:32 - Woolie: So I’m sliding around a little bit.

04:34 - Pat: OK… Woolie: Um… Woolie: I… It… Like… (laughs) Woolie: It feels a little bit cheap, because of the fact that I’m sliding around that much.

04:47 - Woolie: But… Pat: But hey man. Woolie: Strong slash, Master Ronin, yep, yep, break through their defences.

04:55 - Woolie: Down to pick these up? No? OK well.

05:01 - Pat: You did it. Woolie: Just like the real Master Ronins.

05:09 - Pat: Woolie, at some point in XV do they explain to you where demons come from? Woolie: Uh, not yet.

05:15 - Woolie: They just- They’re just… Pat: I don’t understand how society functions with…

05:20 - Woolie: A gas station, like, two steps away from murderous beasts Pat: Like, “Oh it’s 9 PM! Time for the level 30 Iron Giants to spawn. ” Woolie: Yeah, yeah, no, exactly.

05:32 - Woolie: So hey, I’m doing teleport strikes.

05:34 - Pat: Nice. Woolie: I’m doing warp strikes. Woolie: So that’s interesting.

05:39 - Pat: Bakana! Masaka! Woolie: OK, roll-dodge to gain tactical advantage, yes.

05:48 - Woolie: Alright. It feels- it feels slidey.

05:52 - Woolie: And that doesn’t go away. Pat: I can- I can tell! Woolie: It really… Yeah…

05:58 - Pat: That looks great! Woolie: Oh dear.

06:03 - Woolie: I mean… Pat: That looks great! Woolie: I don’t, like, maybe it’s intentional? Woolie: But y’know most beat-em-ups kinda lock you in while you’re doing things.

06:15 - Pat: It’s so you can get big combo on all the enemy Woolie: Like, this is sort of like…

06:20 - Woolie: Trying to get the retro feel because the visuals are retro but I’m way too…

06:26 - Woolie: Way too ice- ice controlling. Pat: What now? Woolie: Shield-bash, bombs.

06:32 - Woolie: Stop ticking with a Quick or Strong slash, but will grow in return, swat ‘em away.

06:37 - Pat: Got it! Pat: Good job Woolie. Woolie: Okay.

06:48 - Pat: Those are really pissed off lookin’ bombs.

06:52 - Pat: Like bombs are usually drawn pretty goofy.

06:55 - Woolie: Are they? That looks like what I remember fighting in the game.

06:59 - Pat: Really? Woolie: Yeah. Pat: Well I guess- I haven’t seen the XV version of them.

07:02 - Woolie: No they look like that, they super look like that, they’re angry.

07:09 - Woolie: What if you shield-bash a person? Oh, then you just push them back, OK.

07:13 - Pat: Remember when this happened? Woolie: This… yeah.

07:19 - Pat: When a billion demon oni attacked the city. Woolie: Easily.

07:24 - Woolie: Look man, he was probably lying to Noct, because Noct was one of those annoying kids that like…

07:29 - Pat: Honestly, the FFXV thing of the demons at night, is presented in one of the weirdest ways ever Pat: Because, usually monsters, like, “Oh there are monsters outside of town,” right? Pat: It just so happens that you ran into that pack of monsters outside of town, bad luck for you, right? Pat: But in XV you see them physically spawn out of nothing- Woolie: Yes.

07:50 - Pat: Which… fuckin’ what? Woolie: Oh! Best Friend didn’t know I could juggle.

07:56 - Woolie: OK, aerial slash, aerial bash, yeah.

07:58 - Woolie: Like, how great would it be if, like, as the game goes on you just fight- Oh, rising fury! Pat: Those air combos look fucking terrible.

08:07 - Woolie: You fight more and more of the same, and like, “Chapter 8: Go the Fuck to Sleep” Woolie: (chuckles) Pat: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

08:19 - Pat: (reads subtitles) Woolie: Of course son. One day, you too can perform the sickest aerial raves.

08:27 - Pat: Can Noctus do launchers? Woolie: Uh, he doesn’t launch but he can do air combos, he jumps on his own.

08:38 - Woolie: Oh! Helm Splitters! Pat: OK, alright.

08:41 - Pat: There’s something here more than nothing.

08:45 - Pat: You gotta strong attack into- Woolie: Open- open ‘em up, yeah I just wanna strong attack into…

08:52 - Woolie: Alright. Pat: Man, I dunno. Woolie: No I really- I don’t but I’m starting to.

09:04 - Pat: And now these guys! Woolie: Yeah, yeah this is story time for Noctus.

09:10 - Woolie: They all attacked together. Pat: I can’t believe the city would be attacked by so many different enemy types all at once! Woolie: On a stroll! Pat: I think I like Regis’ young person costume better than Noctus’.

09:29 - Woolie: The purple looks good! Pat: I like the purple.

09:34 - Woolie: Yeah, you gotta bash them open, OK.

09:36 - Woolie: I figured that out. Woolie: Red skeletons then came about! Pat: Oh no! Pat: Look Noctus, that skeleton is more evil because of wehhdedahh? Woolie: Ehhhhh…

09:50 - Woolie: ‘Cuz it’s late, and when the sun goes down Woolie: Well no, but, y’know the craziest thing about the lore to me, is how Woolie: Gas station lights are enough of a deterrent, to these insane giants Pat: But not street lights. Woolie: No.

10:05 - Woolie: Y’know, so, and it’s like we have cellphones and T. V. s, we figured out all the rest of, like, what we need for a civilization Woolie: But we haven’t figured out how to put enough light out to keep demons at bay forever Pat: Well, also there are dark parts of cities.

10:21 - Woolie: Yeah! Pat: Right? Pat: What’s to stop an Iron Giant from- Woolie: From teleporting right in? Pat: Are they coming from nothing? Pat: Is this a world in which monsters come from nothing? Pat: Because if so, that world sucks! Woolie: Evil in the hearts of men? Like…

10:36 - Woolie: They got so far technology wise, with a huge problem on their hands.

10:41 - Pat: And some of them got even farther! Pat: The Empire… Woolie: Yeah, the Empire, yeah, true, true, true.

10:50 - Pat: Those damn dirty Nifs. Woolie: Yes! The word they actually use too.

11:00 - Woolie: It looks worse than it fee- I mean…

11:04 - Woolie: No, that’s not true. Pat: Yeah? Looks about- looks about? Woolie: No, it is exactly what you think it is.

11:12 - Woolie: Was that an air block? Motherfucker. Pat: Yeah dude.

11:14 - Pat: The red skeletons block, you gotta shield bash ‘em.

11:19 - Pat: It’s the only way! Pat: Boy, huh? Woolie: (sighs) Pat: This is like, one stage…

11:30 - Woolie: Well that was a thing. Pat: Look Woolie! Woolie: (chuckles) Pat: Look there’s more! Pat: On this one stage.

11:41 - Woolie: I was told this was a pre-order, I mean this was multiplayer.

11:47 - Pat: Were you told that by liar Square Enix? Woolie: Well now, is this just? Ugh, kay.

11:57 - Woolie: Really? Like, seriously guys? Pat: I think I’m gonna call the decision to retroactively make this video a mystery box.

12:08 - Woolie: Like we s- Pat: Woolie, toss this one into the mystery box. Woolie: We sat down…

12:11 - Woolie: We sat down and said “Alright lets-” Pat: Woolie handed me a controller! Pat: I like the music! Woolie: And y’know, lets take a look at the pre-order game.

12:19 - Pat: Maybe there’ll be some interesting back-story here.

12:23 - Woolie: Again, pre-order only, so they’re OK with you missing it.

12:27 - Woolie: That should be sign one I suppose. Pat: I hate that.

12:31 - Pat: No, the one that always scares me is like, it’s pre-order only, so it’s OK if you miss it Pat: And then you find out it wasn’t pre-order only in a different region Pat: And then you’re like, “Well shit. ” Woolie: That was way more mandatory than you thought.

12:46 - Woolie: Or the ending was only- Pat: You finally got to a checkpoint.

12:50 - Woolie: Wow. Woolie: Wow. Woolie: Press a start button, just humour me.

12:58 - Pat: Nope. Woolie: This is a tutorial! Woolie: OK, hold RB- Pat: And do the magic.

13:12 - Pat: Well that’s nice and cool. Woolie: Sure.

13:14 - Pat: You geddit? Woolie: Oh. Pat: Yeah.

13:20 - Pat: Ice moves. Woolie: “Icy” what you did there. Pat: Terrible.

13:28 - Pat: Mine was funny, yours was just terrible.

13:30 - Woolie: Yeah but that’s the feeling you deserve to get.

13:32 - Pat: Dad, you’re so cool! Woolie: Ah? Geddit? Woolie: See? Pat: What? Woolie: Cool, once upon a time, meant cold.

13:42 - Pat: Oh, fuck, I got trolled by myself. Woolie: Get bodied.

13:47 - Pat: I got bodied… Pat: By Noctis’ terrible pun.

13:51 - Woolie: Well, at least you’re not getting bodied by the game.

13:54 - Pat: Hey Woolie, how much fun are you having? Pat: Are you having a lot of fun? Woolie: (sighs) Pat: I bet he’s having a lot of fun.

14:06 - Woolie: Oh look, I froze the water! Pat: That’s a nice detail actually.

14:09 - Woolie: I was walking on it anyway Woolie: So it didn’t change anything, but, there we are.

14:13 - Pat: It was very shallow. Woolie: And there’s a status above him that- I’m just gonna play with one hand for now.

14:18 - Pat: Yeah, that’s fine. Woolie: Slowed with ice magic- Pat: You can have time to strategize! Pat: You know what’s going to be really fun Woolie? Pat: When it explains how to do this for the other two magic types! Woolie: Ffffuck me. Pat: Yeah! Woolie: So how far between retroactive Mystery Box and retroactive not a video Woolie: Like what’s the…

14:45 - Woolie: At what point? Pat: I’unno.

14:47 - Pat: About 5 more minutes? Woolie: Really? (both laugh) Woolie: Oh dear, oh geez…

14:56 - Woolie: Am I out of magic? I am. Pat: Nah, fuck it! Woolie: That’s the tap out? Pat: That’s the tap out.

15:03 - Woolie: That’s the tap out? Pat: That’s a the guy yep.

15:05 - Pat: That’s the tap out. Woolie: Dude we can’t tap out, that’s a 19 minute tap out.

15:08 - Pat: That’s fine. Woolie: Really? No, no, no I’m, no, I’m gonna- look! Pat: You wanna go to 24 minutes? Woolie: Look, I just, look- Pat: Oh, Dad, don’t you have any magic? Woolie: oooOOOooooowhuu Woolie: Alright! That’s the tap out! Pat: What just happened? Woolie: I died, and it’s restarting the section! Pat: Oh, that is the tap out! Woolie: That is the absolute tap out.

15:30 - Woolie: So that’s Final Fantasy! Pat: Hope you enjoyed your Mystery Box! Woolie: Whoof!.