Un-Stuck: David Shaner at TEDxGreenville

Translator: TED Translators admin Reviewer: Reiko Bovee I know what it’s like to be stuck. Today I would like to share with you a lifetime of experience where I have been trying to understand the condition of what I call “stuckness”. Being stuck is when your mind and body are functioning separately. It’s like living your life with your emergency brake on. It’s been my great pleasure for over 40 years to be a student of Koichi Tohei Sensei who in 1953, brought the martial art of Aikido from Japan to this country.

00:45 - Indeed, the kimono that I am wearing today is from another one of teachers, Iwao Tamura Sensei. When Tamura Sensei passed away he was the most senior student and instructor in Japan of Koichi Tohei Sensei. His widow, Mrs. Tamura, was kind enough to bestow upon me Tamura Sensei’s formal kimono which I wear today in his honor. (Japanese) I’d appreciate your support. (Applause) You know the art of Aikido is really quite simple. When you are completely relaxed, your mind and body are naturally one.

01:21 - What I would like to do is use some examples today from the martial art of Ki-Aikido to give you an experience so that you can understand what I’m talking about, the difference between your mind and body being separate, and your mind and body being one. I’ll give you an image to make that more clear. Suppose I was out here, and you said, “You know what? David will come out here and talk about sweetness.” Can you imagine a life where you’ve never tasted anything sweet before? And I am supposed to give you a lecture to help you understand it? If I just took one of these M&M and gave it to each and every one of you in the auditorium and said, “Plop that baby in your mouth.” You do that, “Whoa, that’s nice.” I had that experience. That is my goal today, but what I will do is try to give you some tools.

02:04 - I am going to actually work with some participants from the audience to help us to reach that state. Anyway, that’s my goal. Alright. What is being stuck? Let’s define that first. It could be something really simple. You don’t know how to feel relaxed and calm when you are making an important decision, or maybe you feel that you have lost control; others have all the control around you; maybe you feel like a victim. Or this one looks more like road rage or something. This is just the condition of being angry.

02:36 - So, to start this if you would please, I want you to look at me like this gentleman - just in your imagination, because I want you to get in the state - look at me as if you’re really, really mad at me. Oh, good. What you’ve done is a good one. (Laughter) Whoa, all of you, oh yeah. I have harmed you, I have wronged you. Do that for just a second and then stop and examine your state. Isn’t it the case that you have come up slightly out of your chair? Isn’t it the case that maybe your shoulders are slightly tense? Maybe some tension in the back of your neck? Many of you I saw, even though the lights are bright, your forehead’s becoming really wrinkled. And how about your vision? Did I become kind of the target of your tunnel vision, and you lost sight of the people around you? This is an example of the physiological and emotional condition which is essentially being “stuck.

” 03:25 - This is an extreme case because you are angry, but this one might be more of something you can relate to. You feel like everyone else has control at work where we spend so much of our time. How did this happen? Why is it we get “stuck”? Well, guess what? Stuckness is hard-wired in us. it is actually in our biology. I can make the point very simply by talking about your daily life experience. How hard is it for you to change basic behavior? How many of you have ever said, “I am going to lose weight and keep it off”? Raise your hand. Good.

04:00 - How many of you said, “I’m going to stick to that exercise program. I made that New Year’s resolution; boy, am I going to stick to it!”? How about, “I am going to change my life. I am going to manage my time differently, so I can spend more time at home.” Oh, lots of parents out there doing that one. Or how about you athletes, “I’m going to change my swing, my shot. I am going to do something to take my game to the next level.” In all those examples, was it easy or hard? Hard, of course, so I have another theory: we are all addicted. You know what we are addicted to? The way in which we’ve always done things. And one of those addictions is the habit of separating your mind and body together. That’s the problem. So I am going to give you a solution image I am going to work with for this talk. Consider an iceberg. Take a look at that iceberg. There are two parts to it.

04:52 - The top half is the part that you can see, and notice it is the smaller part. That’s your physical body. So you can look at me and say, “OK, I have a pretty small physical body,” but your mind is the part that is below the surface of the water; you can’t see the mind. Can you see my mind? No. And I can’t see yours either, but we know we have one. So here is the thing. When we talk today about living our life by design, what I would like to share with you is that it is truly possible to live your life with your mind and body coordinated, and that would be like using the full power of your iceberg every single day rather than being stuck. Something about this deserves some attention here.

05:34 - Guess what? Even though we tend to be in the habit of separating our mind and body, I can share with you a realization that your mind and body is always one. You just do not pay attention to it. It is unconscious. I will give you an example. How many of you are thinking right now about your heart beating? Don’t have to. What about your lungs going in and out? How about your blood circulating? How about cells that are growing and decaying in your body at all times? You don’t have to think about that. So if you think about it like this, “Hmm, something is going on where my mind and body is unified unless I create conditions to be stuck and therefore not operate at my peak performance level.” How about this? I am a philosopher; I’ll take it even further.

06:20 - I would propose to you not only is your mind and body one but you are one with the Universe. Whoa, sounds heavy, right? But think of it very basically like the examples I have been giving. How long can you go without food? The experts say about 30 days. Think of it, so you have to get something from outside yourself, energy, to simply sustain your body. If you are not doing that on a regular basis you cease to exist. How about this? How long can you go without water? Three days. Ready for this one? Do you know where I’m going? How long can you live without air? If you are not exchanging food, water, and air at all times, that is your connections to the Universe itself, but it goes unnoticed. So what is the significance of this? The significance is in daily life you are the ones that cause tension and separation that cause you to be stuck by walking around with a world view that we are all separate. It’s me versus you, us versus them, or here’s a big one: employees versus management. It is like there is tension in everything we do, but it is a frame of reference that I think we’re addicted to that we carry around with us.

07:34 - Alright, let’s see if we can make this more clear by doing some physical examples kind of some kinesthetic things. I am going to ask for some help from people from the audience here that have been kind enough to volunteer or “volun-told,” I’m not quite sure. (Laughter) (Applause) Alright, this is my friend Derek. We just met today. But I want you to imagine. Derek is a big guy. You are a big guy. I said, “Can we get a big guy?” I want you to imagine this. I put up this skeleton here. I want you to imagine Derek is the skeleton right now.

08:12 - Guess what, the weight of Derek’s body is susceptible to the laws of gravity just like this clicker. So that means when Derek stands relaxed, the physiological center of his body is about three and a half inches below his navel. By the way, it is the same for all of us. You see this pelvic girdle; notice how it is like a bowl shape? The purpose of that part of your anatomy is to support the upper weight of your body. So here is where I am going. I’m going to ask Derek to concentrate on the physiological center of his body, and I want you guys to do this as well. First everyone go up on your toes. Softly down, very good. OK now with your inside arms, I am just going to touch Derek’s sternum right here.

08:53 - Derek, I want you to keep thinking right here. So everyone, think about your center. And I am just going to give him an experience, I’m pressing not hard, but I am pressing in this direction. Do you feel stable? He is like a rock, extremely stable; very good. Now the only variable I want, to make this a fair experience is stand the exact same way, Derek, but just think on the very top of your head. You can even touch the top of your head like you’re getting a haircut, you’re combing your hair, whatever. But keep your mind right up there.

09:23 - Exactly, exactly, exactly! I know it’s very powerful. Try this at home when you do this with somebody else, because here is the deal. Remember when I asked you a minute ago to sit there and look at me with anger? Do you think when you’re stuck - do you think in daily life - when you feel fear, tension, and anxiety, do you think it’s more likely your world view is up here, or do you think it’s nice and down here? Of course, it’s up here. So guess what, you now know those conditions where you’re not operating to the best of your ability. When you feel stuck, guess what, your weight is coming up. Your mindset is coming up.

10:00 - It is like separating the two halves of your iceberg. Alright, here is what we are going to do. It’s very powerful. Derek is going to help me because we’re doing time management here. Now I’m going to do the same thing. So to show you how powerful this is, I am going to keep one point. (Japanese) Itten Ni kokoro o shizume tooitsu suru. (English) in Japanese simply means “Keep one point.” It’s fun to say in a crowd. (Laughter) OK, just push.

Push more, more, more, harder, harder; 10:29 - he is a big guy, but why is it I am not moving? Derek: That’s creepy. David Shaner: It’s creepy! (Laughter) It could get creepier! How much time do we have? No, just kidding. So he is pushing really, really hard, but I am just relaxed talking to you like it’s no problem. Do you know why? Because I am just keeping one point. Yeah, it is possible for you to do it. In fact, Derek I won’t show you anything I can’t teach you in five minutes.

10:56 - You’re a big guy, you did really well, just think here. Now to help you I am going to do this gradually. I am going to push; you are doing great. So keep thinking here. Many people tend to think about my hand but don’t do that. You’re doing it already; you know what it is. It is counter intuitive. All I had to do was show him what’s possible, and his mind shifted like, “Oh, I can do that.” You did that so well. I’m going to take it to another level.

11:20 - Let’s back up a little so that you don’t hit that speaker. Here’s what we’re going to do. (Laughter) There was a reason why we were the last! Alright, here I am pushing real hard. OK, Derek, walk forward. OK here is what happened. By the way, all of you would have done what my friend Derek just did. Alright so you press again. Go ahead, press hard, kimono has many layers. Push hard and then say, “David, walk forward.” Derek: David, walk forward. DS:, OK, so Derek’s style is this. What happened? Where did my mind go? Guess what, that is the habit of separating your mind and body.

12:07 - My mind, Derek’s mind went to the one place that I was holding him. But look at this. Push hard, push hard, push hard. Get this. He is not holding my legs. Push really hard and then say, “David, walk forward.” Derek: David walk forward. OK! (Laughter) You have to change your concept to understand how you can use your whole iceberg. Derek: Try that again! (Laughter) (Applause) I told you, this was going to be fun. Alright, Derek, here we go. You know my teacher always says, “Make sure they do it correctly.

” 12:50 - OK; now just walk forward, exactly! I am this puny, little guy. I can’t hold you back. Alright, let’s do one more exercise. OK, everyone you can try, too. I want you to hold your right arm out straight, really tight. Use all your muscles. Look at that. You’re huge. Here is what I am going to do: I’ll put one hand here, on the wrist, one hand here, and I’ll try to put his thumb onto his shoulder. Use all your strength, real tight, tight, all of your muscles. He is much bigger than I am, and I can’t– even though I got two arms.

13:27 - He’s huge but I just wanted him to experience like an M&M. That’s hard. Now you do me. Go ahead really hard. I am going to try and resist with my body. Go ahead. Push hard. Aw, yea! Did you hear that pop? Derek,: Yeah. (Laughter) Alright, now I am going to do it again relaxed. Use all your power as hard as you can. Go ahead. 1, 2, 3, go. Bend my arm. Use your legs. Use your hips. (Laughter) OK, what’s happening here? I am not participating. (Laughter) Feels weird, doesn’t it? Alright, I’ve already told you.

14:06 - I won’t show you something I can’t teach you. Here’s the image I am using. All of you do this. When you hold out your arm, I want you to imagine that the back wall is on fire. Just like this picture, your one point now, Derek, is like a fire hydrant, and water is gushing out your arm. So much so that with your fingers, you can spray the black wall. Exactly, now probably, that is right. Now it feels like I am not even pressing on you, right? Derek, Right.

14:35 - You know why? Because you are not pressing back. It’s not your versus me, us versus them, employees versus management. If you just change and accept how connected you already are, amazing things develop. Alright, let’s thank Derek and the others! (Applause) OK, so let me show you, when we do this… He is doing the same exercise. This is Rich by the way. He’s an aikido person. So I can just be very relaxed. The normal everyday mindset is, “Oh, I have to throw him. It’s martial arts.

” 15:16 - So then I get in here, and I’m going right against where he is holding me. That is what Derek did when he walked right into my hand. But what if I am unstuck, and I move from my whole iceberg? All I’m doing is respecting his opinion; he was going with all that direction. So why not say, “Oh, OK.” (Laughter) Here is daily life: he is the boss; I am the employee, or husband, wife, friends who become enemies; he is pushing as hard as he can, but what if I’ll keep one point, use this unbendable arm, he is pushing, pushing, and I can feel like, “I feel very good,” but I am also stuck. If I really want to move through life without conflict when I am faced with a problem like this, why don’t I become unstuck and do this? You know what he did? He stopped pushing. Do you know why? I wasn’t there.

16:18 - (Laughter) You can’t push against something that’s not there, right? So it is very simple; in daily life he is pushing, but think about this in psychological terms. Do you know what he really wants? He wants to be understood. So if I do this, he is probably thinking, “Oh, now you’re my partner. I can use my words, I can validate, I can say “I get it.” You know what will happen? He probably thinks, “Oh, that’s pretty cool. “ Because now, guess what? Now, both of us are able to share a perspective. This is real conflict avoidance. You know, this is a basic art. We call it “Katate dori kote nage.” It is the most basic art in Shinshin Toitsu Aikido. So if he comes… All I am doing is respecting his power. He comes again. Don’t move. Just move with him. Right? “Shomen uchi.” Just move. “Tsuki.” Maybe a front punch. That’s it! So all I am doing is getting out of the way. He comes, I say, “Thank you very much. Let’s go this way.” You’re OK? (Laughter) A small demonstration. OK, so now, daily life. What does this mean for daily life? We started out saying, when you go through life, you are very, very busy, but often, you feel stuck.

17:46 - What we learned in this exercise is you can remove the “stuckness,” in your own mind and begin to live your life with the full power of your iceberg. I will give you three examples at home, in athletics, and at work. At home, shouldn’t we be the best we can be with our loved ones? But think of it. Isn’t it the case that the most trivial arguments and the most trivial misunderstandings, when you complete the other person’s sentences before they finish, it turns out your answer is wrong? (Laughter) This is daily life. But what if you were to choose instead of being stuck, as soon as you feel your center rising, as soon as you feel that tension, wouldn’t it be great in a nanosecond you could say, “Boom! Keep one point”? And your whole world changes. You become calm, relaxed; you see clearly.

18:42 - How many people does it take to have an argument? So what if you choose not to participate in being stuck and be willing to move to adapt and understand what the person is really thinking or doing? And they’re probably be likely to do the same for you. How about this in athletics? Last example, last weakness exercise. Hold out your hand as tight as you can. Just stick it out like that. Oh, you’re a great audience, thank you. Now shake it as fast as you can. I see there’s a lot of frustrated athletes. Now, relax your hand. Shake it as fast as you can. Which’s faster? (Audience) The relaxed hand. Of course. Well, guess what? I have a surprise, high school physics slide.

19:26 - (Laughter) [F=MxA] [Force=Mass x Acceleration] Can you change the mass of your hand? Can you change the acceleration of your hand? Yes, that’s why peak performing athletes understand that speed and power is also a function of relaxation. And when you are completely relaxed, your mind and body are one. Finally, work. The average life expectancy is 27,500 days. You are going to spend half to ²⁄₃ of those days at work. Why not choose to be a positive vehicle for change? In a big business there are many perspectives, and you always have the opportunity Instead of being stuck to say, “Let me understand finance, merchandising, operations, and human resources.

” 20:10 - Or if it is a school or a government, there is always an opportunity for you to make a difference. As long as you are going to spend most of your life at work, why not choose to make it like church, temple, or synagogue, as an opportunity to be the very best you can be? I would like to leave you with one thought. You know, I’ve been teaching this stuff for a long time, but the older I get, the more I think, “Here is an idea worth spreading.” Wouldn’t it be great if every elementary school child, every high schooler could learn an option, rather than becoming hard-wired to be stuck, to actually learn these basic principles that are so easy to understand and give everyone an opportunity to truly live their life by design? Thank you very much. (Applause) .