How to Instill Discipline in Children | Real Talk with Mom | Parenting Tips, Habits and Skills

May 2, 2021 08:00 · 17157 words · 81 minute read

My beautiful guest is from kenya and she’s been a good friend of mine for the last for over a decade for over a decade some people are asking or whatsapp am i online already and it’s going to be tough can’t see it uh some people say they can’t see I can see some whatsapp messages so my beautiful guest as i was saying is from Kenya. We’ve been a good friend she has been a good friend of mine somebody i look up to and i respect so much for the last one decade i say no answer thank you mr Akinkunmi for joining my oga thank you sir i’m glad to see you you know anytime I see you I get energy thank you so much thank you for joining so we just want to talk about instilling discipline in children today because i find i’ve come to realize that a lot of parents they’ve missed up the word discipline and punishment a lot of parents a lot of parents midst of the word discipline and punishment there is a huge gap between the word discipline and punishment and if you cannot clarify these two words if you cannot give right meaning to these two words it’s going to be very difficult in order for you to instill discipline in your children because oh finally i think i’m getting hurt uh rachel can you hear me punishment is making a child to suffer for breaking rules when you have to pay for breaking the rules there is a set rule and i’ve used i’ve said that in many of my videos yes yes you can also i can also say the same thing yes she’s freezing i can see her but she’s freezing damage she can’t hear me yet but she needs to confirm that vpn is on so i’ve said this in every uh many of my videos about setting the rules having rules for the family having rules for your children so when the child or the children break the rule it’s when you punish them when you let them pay for what they have done that is punishment paying for what you have done having consequence on your bad behavior when you have to pay mommy said don’t touch and you ended up touching that i don’t know what measure of punishment to use maybe it’s going to be negative reinforcement or positive punishment or negative punishment then this process is is a punishment when you pay back when you have to pay for what you have done it is punishment why discipline is teaching teaching your child how not to break the rules i’m trying to get out from dictionary meaning and just bring it as simple as possible for you to understand the huge difference between discipline and punishment when you try to teach your child to follow the rules that’s discipline you instill it uh we’re talking about instilling discipline in children i was trying to explain the huge difference between this sickening and punishment when you let a child pay for what he or she has done when you just give we just pay back time you didn’t listen maybe by eating or by uh in station or taking something out or losing the screen time or by spanking it is punishment you are paying back for what you have done why discipline it is when you teach your child on how to make a better choice so that he or she doesn’t have to uh go through discipline you you teach your child systematically this is how you do if you make this choice it’s going to be an awesome thing for you if you do this it’s going to be great if you do that it’s going to be awesome so we’re talking about discipline and please if you have any question just drop your question so that we can address it even as i wait for my guests now i have guests because i’m also waiting for mr kikumi so uh and a lot of things a lot of video i’ve done in the past that is going to make you understand this particular topic so well um because we cannot talk about this sickness without talking about some things and because we have done that before i’ve made it i made this kind of video before and i’m just going to be referring to some episodes that is going to help you to understand this topic very well so please just go to our youtube channel and if you have not subscribed to our youtube channel i am begging come on i know you love me i don’t have to ask you if you love me just go ahead and search for the vision guide youtube channel oh beautiful can’t you see beautiful she’s my pastor’s wife she’s my pastor’s wife i’m changing over that’s why the earpiece is not the same and i don’t get comfortable using what you call this one the wireless one i tried it but it’s not my thing all right okay all right thank you very much for coming back thank you for joining i love you thank you mr kikumi please don’t go i need to see my boss right here because i might bring you in anytime please stay there that’s my boss thank you so much mr kikkomi for joining me sorry i pulled all right you can see my my my beautiful friend is there we’ve been friend just like i said earlier for over a decade and she’s the wife of a of a handsome pastor she’s from kenya she’s a beautiful mother to a beautiful children three beautiful children awesome children and she’s somebody who’s parenting skills has been tested and trusted at a point we were both waiting on god for children at a point and that god came through for her she became mother of two and why i joined the journey after that but in this period of my waiting and god answered her i was able to see her as a role model somebody i can really emulate a ways of parenting skills i saw some things that she did i said oh my this one i’m keeping them once my children come because i was very sure i was going to have them anyways it’s just a matter of time it’s a question of time i held on to those skills and uh the the special parenting the positive parenting that i saw in her and i did of course use them on my children so i am very happy to be bringing her here on our platform the parent uh the vision guy on this special social episode of parenting essentials she’s a beautiful queen from kenya thank you so much for joining me rachel monene thank you so much thank you for joining me i’ve said a lot about you before you came however i need to say this again okay so thank you so much for waiting nice and silly i i feel like coming to your houses and just give you all because this is awesome you know when you feel you’re not alone for you to i’ve given you a lot of work go there go here but you’re not even looking at this girl you waited and when i said you love me i was very sure i wasn’t mistaken that is love and i’m not taking it for granted thank you very much thank you once again for coming on this uh platform this morning mom and i’m so happy to have you here without wasting much of time because we’ve time is already fast spent i’m just going to be going straight into what we have to say today so uh i’ve been talking about punishment and discipline and i today’s topic is about instilling discipline in children so i want you to start in your own world what is discipline and also please explain to yours because i know your children are disciplined it’s not because you’re seated i know them i’ve seen them and i love them i want you to explain to us everyone that is watching this afternoon how have you been able to instill discipline in your children thank you to start with uh say good afternoon to everyone good morning uh depending on what you see soft spoken i said it earlier i’m just gonna tell me sorry sorry please i’m just gonna tell her to please increase the volume a little bit she’s very soft i need to increase the volume from your hand she’s an angel all right go ahead all right um good afternoon everyone and miss thank you so much for having me on your show i really appreciate uh it’s been it’s been a it’s been a journey but finally we are here um glad well we’ll just go straight to what you asked for me uh discipline is more of uh trying to teach the children on how to manage their behavior it’s like a skill you’re trying to teach them on how to manage their behavior and on how also to control themselves uh sometimes you know children go through some emotions or disappointments so it’s just trying to teach them to know when i’m angry how do i manage it do i react you know do i just get it out on somebody or do have tantrums which is not good so it’s just trying to get them to to control that you know that temper or that anger uh be in control of themselves and whereas punishment is more of getting the child you know as you said earlier getting the child to pay for their mistake you know it’s a penalty for an offense that a child has done so that’s how i see uh the difference between the two because in punishment you find that the parent is more in charge the the child is not in charge and when it comes to discipline sometimes you get the child involved you know you get the child involved in it so yeah that’s how i say it thank you very much you spoken well and i love that so in punishment please underline if you can get a pen that would be very good you can see i love learning a lot you can say i’m ready to learn a lot from her this afternoon in punishment children are not involved it’s your thing it’s your way you just want to pay back you want to spank you want to take out something you want to lend them to lose their fun time but in discipline they are involved it’s too together it’s just when i was talking i think in clear direction i was talking about making the rules together with your children you know when you let them see reasons you don’t just jump into conclusion uh growing up from an african family nigeria’s precisely your for you don’t know europa parents even even though my own parents were a little bit soft and in fact my mom was very very soft even my dad and this aspect but the and you know community policing everybody is your mother everybody is your father and they have to just give it to you raw pum even your you know everybody is your mother you have to see them as your parents so there’s there were a lot of things that would just drop on us and you were not allowed to ask why at that point a lot of things what we’re going i you know when sometimes when i see it and i think about growing up like i just want to correct a lot of things in our generation and the next generation so that they don’t end up doing the same mistake our parents did or we’re doing the same mistake or they doing the same mistake we are not we’re not allowed to ask why this why that you want to just get a bit quiet or some people will even stop slap you and tell you i am going to tell your mother i slapped you it was nothing you are very rude how could you ask but that the truth is that the child is not asking out of being rude what the child is asking sincerely to understand so in instilling discipline and discipline is you making the child understand not just jumping into don’t go there children of this just want to know why mommy you know for me personally because i was brought up like that not to ask why it took when i became a mother i had to train myself to accept that why it’s okay at first like why you know then i realized that i wanted i wanted to do the same mistake the same old way thing then i don’t want to then i had to teach my system i had to teach myself that the child is sincerely asking why because he or she doesn’t understand and if they understand they will not do the mistake the reason why a child is doing mistake over and again is because they don’t even understand why they don’t understand why i’m not the guest today i’m just going to go back to my guest and please can you just give us a few examples of the ways you were able to instill this sickness in your own children so just as you said i mean it’s a two-way communication many a times you find that as parents we we don’t we don’t think that children have a personality of their own we just we don’t like involve them as part of the family when we are making decisions and therefore we need to relate to them as you know as the way i would relate to somebody that is an adult in my house so it’s the same thing so whenever we are making any rules or we are putting rules in place we have to involve them and as you said we have to communicate as to why we are punishing them or communicate as to why something is being taken away from them and one of the things that we try to implement in our home is there we do try to bring about negative consequences and negative consequences can be something like you know a time out or being grounded not to go maybe when people are going to the park or people are going for a party you’re grounded you not go for a party or you know go out with us because you did one two three things or the other uh thing that would bring a negative consequence is trying to remove a privilege from the child so i remember there’s a period where that was when my first son was four years old and the second one was maybe two years and the little one was still a baby so we were planning to go out with a fast two which are boys we were planning to take them to the park and then the baby we were planning to leave her behind because we had an assistant then so she was going to take care of her so when we were about to go out of the house the rule then was that if you misbehave you’re gonna be grounded and some minutes just before we left the house he decided to do something and the dad was so crossed so he just said this is the rule you’re gonna stay back it was it was not a pleasant thing of course to us as parents because we really wanted them to go have fun together with a with the other sibling but because we had made the rule we had to follow through because the other thing with parenting if you make a rule and you don’t follow through the child gets a you know there’s a tendency of the child getting this idea that mom is just talking you know mom is not consistent she will say and she will stop you know something like that so we had to go out so we left him he cried but you know we had to do what we had to do then so even though we were supposed to take longer outside we did we didn’t take longer because we really felt it but we did spend some time outside by the time we came back uh he was fine he was happy to see us of course and the funny thing is he he took a paper because you know the assistant just left him to play with his toys and he likes reading books to read his books so he wrote a paper and he gave it to us and he’s on the paper on the note it said mommy and daddy i love you so much and i’m sorry for what i did you know it was all scribbled but you can read exactly what he was trying to say and that it showed us that he took time to think over what he had done and he was quite apologetic and he realized that whatever he did was a mistake and then the other thing we do try to implement is take take away privileges one of the privilege that we have in the house is because our children don’t get to watch tv so they only watch television during weekends so because it’s not a everyday thing they look forward to it you see so that is one of the privilege which you know adding that uh you know screen time or television time to them it’s it’s more of a positive reward as well and it’s like a reward system i would say so they look forward to it so when you remove that like you know thursday or friday it’s your screen time when you misbehave i’m gonna take away screen time or when you misbehave uh my oldest son likes playing with lego you know those tiny build blocks building blocks so i would take away the building blocks and put them aside for a while either two days or three days and then you know because maybe when i was calling him he didn’t you know respond because he was busy doing what he was doing with the lego so i said if this thing is going to take attention from you not to listen then i’m going to take it away for a period of time so when i’m ready to return it then i return it so it’s just a matter of having that understanding so that they know because it helps them to know how to make a better choice next time you see and these are some of the negative consequences but there are also positive strategies or consequences that you can implement like i said you know the reward system the reward system helps the child to look forward to you know because they know they are gaining from it and the other thing is also praise when we praise them i want to say when it comes to praise also we have to be careful on how we praise our children because sometimes your praise you know one thing with praise are you praising the child to build his or her ego or are you praising the child to build the character in the child because sometimes if a child does well in something you might want to um praise him for the results you know like we hadn’t we had a situation i think some months ago where my first son was going to do they had a spelling bee taste at school so he was getting he was getting frustrated because he couldn’t uh you know get the you know the spellings correct there were like 25 words so we kept on trying with him some of them he gets them right some of them he gets them wrong to the point that you know he just gave up he started you know getting upset i said okay we’ll leave it for a while and then we’ll go over it again because he really wanted to participate in it so eventually when we started doing it with him even the brother and the sister joined him you know and they would just give him a word he will spell it and then give him some time go through it so after two days i think the spelling test was on in so what happened is he did very well uh i think because of the you know the effort that he did put in and out of that you find that when we went to pick him up from school he was quite excited he was super excited and he was like mommy guess what i did well in the spelling test and i’m going to the next level and for us we were of course we were happy for him but then for us as parents we we like i said we are supposed to praise the effort uh another result of course we were happy but we kept on telling him you see the effort that you put in that is what got you to that level uh so like the child has got to know that it’s not just uh you getting the results but there’s effort you know needed for you to put in and even though he went to the second level and i think he was so happy also because he was the only boy in his class you see so even though he didn’t get to you know to be the winner of the spelling bee test but he came up as a runners-up i think and he also got a certificate so the thing that we told him is you did well and if you had not practiced you know uh eventually giving to putting effort into what you’re doing this will not have been the results but your efforts finally paid off the other thing i would want to say with the praising children i give an example um like for example in terms of maths you know one of my children uh was struggling with mutts so we had to bring in uh timetables you know we had to find the timetables chat and through this we got them to you know to learn the timetables not like cramming it like we used to do back in our days and out of that you find that he’s learning from his mistakes that i need to learn the timetables first to be able to you know you can do much if you don’t know the timetables so trying to get the child to learn from their mistakes and as i said it’s more whenever you’re praising is more of building the character and not the ego because when you build the ego the child might think that they are the only one they are the best you know and they will not want to try um to try to put much effort into doing anything you know i don’t know if you’re getting what i’m saying and then um the reward system there’s different kind of reward systems there is uh you know the stickers especially when the kids are young because they love stickers the stickers charts uh yes uh for us currently we’ve been using the star shirt we have uh there’s a board uh that we call a statute that we got but i mean you don’t have to buy it you can even you know create your own and with the help of your child at home because when you involve them also it becomes more interesting um so we have the statute whereby we have a list of things that a child needs to do like you know make your own bed maybe depending with the age of the child as well uh maybe cleaning up after your toys uh you know tidying up the shoe work or clearing the place so we have these uh who brush their teeth you know who prayed in the morning when they woke up all these so we have quite a list of them and on this chat there is so we put their name in a column form and then each of them has their own it’s a colored one so one of them is blue one of them is yellow one of them is red so every day you get to put the stars and they really look forward to this so after you accumulate like maybe 40 stars or 30 stars or 20 stars because i don’t i don’t give this i got i don’t give the same number for all of them because their age is different and of course for the older one i expect better results than the younger one so when you get a star maybe 40 or 20 for you you get to choose what you know what you want or what we can get you or i decide but of course it has to be an agreement between me and the child so they love books so what happens is for us we uh they tell me mommy go buy me a big nate book or go buy me a wimpy a diary of the wimpy kid or a princess book so they give me like this is the book i want and you know this is the title of the book so when they get that amount if it’s 40 if it’s 30 of course i have also to own up to my promise so i go and get the book for them so but you have to be consistent you have to be consistent so that is one of the rewards that we have the other reward that we have is especially last year because they were online uh there was schooling online and they were we were also working from home because of the lockdown and because of the pandemic so we had to come up with quite a number of activities and there was a certain period where they really missed having a party so they said you know what we need a costume party we need to go to a costume party so sometimes you just have to fit in into their into their world so what happened is we arranged a costume party of course only us in the house uh we arranged a costume party and we all had because that was their instruction everyone that is coming to the costume party had to dress up in a costume party so we all had to dress up in batman in superman and so everyone that was in this house at that particular time had to dress up so we all had you know the mask the cap and this is something that really they related to because i mean they’re kids this is what they like so everyone had to walk in and present themselves you know as wonder woman or as i don’t know super woman or super you know and that is one of the things that we also use the other thing i would add when it comes to reward system we do certificates we go online i look for certificates online there’s some website that you can just print them for free so so we just and you and they’re editable so we type their names so we say maybe somebody has uh you know like i said my first son especially him he loves to read so we find something that speaks about reading so we get him a certificate for reading you know a best reader for the week uh we got we get a certificate for maybe the girl or the other jeremiah the second one so we get them certificates and we have these episodes and we make it like in our house we make it a big deal because we we create a stage we take them videos you know we we like shake hands and present the certificate and so it’s it’s something that they look forward to and you know if they don’t get a certificate for a while you find that they will ask mommy i did well mommy i’ve been good how come i’ve not received a certificate so it means it motivates them to to continue to do well or if they didn’t get a stir mommy you know i all this week i’ve been waking up and i’ve not missed to pray in the morning but i have not seen a star so it also keeps you on your toes because i mean you have to do it you have to be consistent about you you can’t really be tired and it helps with them behaving well i must say you know because they also want to please you because they don’t want to you know to be deprived of that privilege as well um i don’t know what else to say but uh those are some of the you’ve said a whole lot of really you know i just like okay bring it on i know you know you said a lot of things basically you covered a lot of things and all these things you said is on posit i can only see positive relationship between you and your children which a lot of parents are missing out i believe everyone will listen to her you agree with me when i said i saw our parenting skills and it was worthy of a malaysian a lot of things she’s saying i can’t even do it like i don’t even have the time but she’s so patient you know parenting is really a personal thing one thing i want us to realize i’ve said it over and again that it’s not a standard the fact that she’s doing it doesn’t mean you have to do it like that but you have to find time to to create your own special experiencing skills don’t forget all the motive is for you to have a better child to raise amazing children that is going to be useful for themselves and better the world at large well done and you in fact you’ve done well i’m just going to pick out a few things from what you have said like i have to just say them again because they are people must hear that over and again you mentioned something about follow through and i said it in one of my videos you have to mean what you say and say what you mean you know she meant she said excited an example about when the one of the children of children where maybe she misbehaved and she had he had to go through the consequence of staying back at home at that moment i can probably say it wasn’t easy for you but you followed her true because it’s very important for us to make sure that our words are good the moment as parent that we start to devalue our words we turn them to garbage instead of words we don’t mean what we say we don’t meet what we do then there is no way we can instill discipline because the child will know that he’s not mommy that’s why i said in one of my videos you’re calling your child but your child will not listen to you i guess it is a common question that i get onto the 10th time what change because your child already knows she’s not serious she still raises a voice hope come here oh come here not only the 10th time it means it was it’s already registered in the child’s brain that or not under the 10 times before we answer because mommy is not serious that means you’ve not been following through with whatever you say you have not been made you didn’t let your word be gold our word as parents must be good and not trash not garbage please let’s underline this and that is one of the things i learned from our word today and i’ve already made a video on that also before he said a lot of things about him okay i just want to touch his shots sorry on that on that aspect of you know uh you know like calling or calling the child okay especially for those that should know at a very young age it should be come and know you know come and know at a very young age and for you to be able to establish that is that you call the child by their name you know you call the child by their name you make sure you have eye contact with the child and you speak in a normal tone you know you speak in a normal tone and you only speak once you know but as you’re speaking whatever the command is make sure they understand that this is a verbal authority like you mean what you say you know because there’s a way you because there’s a way you can say it you know oh you stop you stop i mean the child will see that there’s a it’s not i am talking to you stop now yes yes you are not listening you are telling your child you are not listening all day the child is going to be listening another thing is some people are too soft and some are so too strong if i might i can use that word because you have not given the instruction first but the first time you’re coming you’re coming very strong can you clean up now some those are the things i put down and i want us to talk about because we sometimes we pass our aggression i know you’re tired as mother especially mothers i know the father you are the father you already exhausted from work but don’t forget these are children and your stress is not their problem the our stress is not our children’s problem so we have to ensure this can happen to anybody i’m telling you by any time i see myself that i’m going towards that direction i try to call myself and that’s why i’m saying just breathe breathing it’s going to help just breathe breathe into your nose and let it go through your mouth it’s going to help sometimes we can be so exhausted and we really want our children to understand just the way we are sometimes we put them in our level that we forget that they are only five they are only ten we want them to understand the things just the way we are feeling and we tend to pass across our aggressions to them and that is why we have to be careful if you want your child to follow through the instruction if you want your child to listen mean what you say and understand your turn the way you say it matters you can say i’m just saying i come here if i say to the child of two come here please can you come here without doing anything it’s confusing and the child might end up not even coming to you and like lost i said it in all of my video that the the les they want instruction clear direction in black and white and i also want to add this quickly which i think i also saw that in you before i became a mother about saying thank you to everything he wants your child to have good mannerism you start you don’t wait you know we get a lot of comments on our page on our facebook on youtube and we get a lot of you know you know people coming i think it’s not possible and things like that it’s actually up to an individual how your parenting skills should be whatsoever we say it’s just what we have researched and what we have experienced and what we have come bring together to say that this has been proven however it’s up to you because you have to know the vision of the kind of children you want to raise when you give your i made a video about that also you’re feeding your baby and you’re just telling please have your food by by the time the the child is done drinking the milk you say thank you for drinking the milk if you want your child to be saying thank you to everything you also have to say thank you when you give the things because they don’t know yet yeah and don’t forget that your child your mirror i’m just going to go through quickly to the things i said i just speak from your words and i want to say them again you mentioned a lot about reinforcement please go ahead and check my video also out on reinforcement you know you mentioned the positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement positive punishment and negative punishment these are very useful but most of the time people don’t know when to use the positive one and the negative one and they get confused if you’re supposed to use positive reinforcement and we are using something else also we are affecting our children psychologically so we have to understand when to use them and how to go about it also in uh in episode seven i talked about clear direction i think it’s very important for you to see the video if you do not send that clear direction you can find that on our youtube channel the vision guide play direction it’s episode 7 of parenting essentials then you mentioned something about over present children apparently i made a video on that also before and i was using i used one of my children as example about uh there’s a question okay okay uh please if you can just write me the first question in the paper please thank you please you can drop your question even as we discuss please drop your question i think i have some questions already please uh somebody’s here to manage everything with me just drop your question i’m going to receive the question and i’ll read it out and uh uh richard also is going to help us out with them okay we’re talking about clay direct uh over present children i made a video about over president jude and talking about my daughter drawing and i said oh fantastic great she wouldn’t have taken time to go ahead and try to learn how to drama mommy said it’s great mommy said then they feel the ego that exactly what she was saying about you not telling him that he did well when he actually did well there’s a way that we can also encourage our children not to miss out in the purpose of praising them so over prison children actually does more harm than good you are doing great children are very proud it keeps ringing i’m doing great instead of you to learn more they tend to it’s okay there’s no need to learn wrong mommy said i’m doing great and even if the word is coming from their parents what is it that mommy and daddy they just if in fact especially when you have viewed the positive relationship before they trust everything mommy said i’m doing great and that’s what matters so let’s be careful the way we press our children so that we don’t overpress them and end up leading them to where they’re not supposed to be it’s very important and also one thing i learned about what you said today is teamwork and i made a video about team building also you know i said if your child is struggling don’t just say it’s the child’s business let everybody get inside somebody needed to learn the multiplication table but everybody got involved you know that one thing i tell people tony to give you so he said somebody was asking another another person was asking the order and it became fantastic that’s the best way for children to learn you know you don’t need to raise your voice you don’t need to shout if everybody’s involved with love like it’s a game it it will not become a boarding they don’t see like big d oh i need to learn i need to know they feel like it’s a fun thing to do so it’s very important for us to learn this habit don’t and most of the time the parents are too busy especially the dads they don’t see the reason why they have to get in sometimes they don’t see the reason why now i know the playground and play area the software are closed but some parents some fathers had never been to the soft area with their children before go and meet your mummy especially the african men and i’m not i know the ones that are here are good those who are supposed to hear you they’re not here go with your mommy’s business no it’s a family thing building up raising great children it’s a it’s a it’s a combined effort and it’s intentional it must be intentional it must be you cannot do it by your blind because let me take one day at the time we sleep and wake up it doesn’t work like that that is why only the vision can guide you you have to know what you want you have to know what you want and let your vision guide you you have to picture this is what i i want it’s not like you’re planning the life of your children however you have to picture my child should be able to do this at this particular time then you walk towards it so that is where we say only the vision guide and it must be intentional it must be intentional please uh please help me write out the question let me write down because so that we can go ahead and um okay that’s it for that i put some things down here i’m just going to run through them i have two questions before now also which i’m going to run out uh okay i hope we still have time okay okay i put something here and we have said about that we already said to that about the punishment and discipline also i said something i said separate the emotion from discipline separate your emotion from this thinking i’ve already said that person pass on your aggression to your children separated the way you feel you cannot use that to judge the way you’re going to discipline your children your portion punish the way you’re going to punish or give instruction to your children then again criticize the behavior not to the child if a child has done something wrong your duty is to criticize the behavior this is not good i am not happy with what you did not that you are not happy with the child don’t forget the easiest way to do this anytime you remember our job as busy experience what’s our duty our duty is to love love love if they are good children we love them god forbid if they are bad children we have to love them if only we can do our duty every other thing we fall in place the only duty we have as parent is to love our children we are not we don’t have power to control their emotion but we can instill this deepening into them so love love love and it’s going to be great thank you so much baby all right one thing all right okay i think uh i’ve been told that i need to go i don’t know how to do this but this we have to finish okay you criticize the behavior another child you explain why you think what is wrong or what they have done is wrong or why what they have done is wrong let them understand do you know that what you have done is not good because let them see reasons always explain don’t let us be the old african parents where that they don’t see reason why they have to tell their children why see let me tell you the children if a child should understand why they wouldn’t try it except there is an issue because they know it’s not even safe for them most of these things most of this why is for their is it’s for their safety it’s for their betterment just let them understand if you go there you would have caught your hand they said don’t go there i told you now you cut your finger i told you but they don’t even know why and because they don’t know why they still want to go to find out why that you’re not ready to tell them very clear so so then we still go ahead and look for why where they’re not supposed to get why all right so i’m just going to start with okay there’s something very important that i thought i’m going to share today self-discipline discipline is good you know what there is something we call self-discipline this is just my own idea self-discipline you know there’s some things just like uh my high school teacher will say common sense is not common but you know we have this sense that we actually tell us what is right or wrong it’s up to us to believe it or not or to take it i’m not even talking about the holy spirit for those who understand the word holy spirit and they understand but generally everybody has this sense this common sense this sense is called common do you know children also have this self discipline that they know that i don’t want to do this i just feel i should not do this i’m just going to use myself as an example i realized my children were growing up and they have to ask for everything before they eat you know mommy i want to take apple mommy i want to take orange at that point i was so uncomfortable with it not knowing that i was wrong mommy can i go to the toilet after i said to you guys when you’re going to the toilet you don’t need to tell me if the toilet just go what did you still come back can i go to the toilet now mommy i want to have an apple i said this is your apple i bought it there for them i said please just eat do you believe me like a stranger you know i was just saying all those this is your house you don’t need to ask for these things you know the first day i saw my children take a fruit without asking my spirit was boiling then i realized that oh my god these children actually are the same no i like to say example we don’t just do parenting by words something some of these things we don’t realize it until it happens and i saw my one of my children one day was eating apple i said why are you eating apple without telling mummy meanwhile i was the one that was telling them you don’t have to ask so actually i was enjoying that but i didn’t realize that i was enjoying the manner that they are the mannerism of asking something so we have to be very careful about this i said but okay i said okay then i said then the first time i said you’re eating an apple without asking i saw the reaction on the child’s face like what have i done she’s the one that said we have to we can take now she’s asking me we can so these are the things we have today and i said oh okay that’s true you know what but it’s okay to ask you know i’ve already damaged something right there i like to use myself an example this is not a standard it’s not nobody’s no there’s no picture perfect anywhere we are all learning every day we all learn every day we try something if we are not getting it we try something else and now to say okay uh you know actually you were right guys i’mma miss wrong in that area it’s okay you can ask mommy the mommy i’m eating apple right now is that okay by you so i had to like bring that back so how much more you know if you know how much effort i put inside like it’s okay you know it’s like they’re bothering me you want to eat after you’re asking me to your house meanwhile that was a good manner and i was trying to alter that also there’s something like i said i was going to mention also about uh we have a lot of men and ladies out there today that they can’t they don’t have self-control they don’t have self-control this is a point on we are where we are failed failing as a parent the first example is a good example of failing a spirit also the one i said about myself and also for those adults out there men especially that cannot overlook when they see something in scared they want to look some people there just like that naturally the lady is very revealing or not revealing they want to look back and look at the back they want to look at the front you know they’re just like that it’s their way of life and some ladies also when they see men they just want to see oh they want to notice six packs and things like that they want to see everything and i’ve come to realize i had a story yes back about a parent a mother was always dressing up in front of the sun and the husband kept telling if this is not good this is not good you cannot dress up he said in my child is he going to rape me what is bad there are you jealous of your child now and everything we are not not knowing that you are instilling bad manners it’s a very bad thing for you as a mother three questions already all right and i have two with me okay i’m just gonna roll through it so it’s not a good idea so they get to enjoy the looking around they’ve seen their mother over and again it is not good it is not even of god i don’t want to go that way but there’s no way we can separate this this is who we are so it is not good you already instilled the bad discipline in your children that they cannot do without looking even if they are not thinking otherwise but they just want to look because they’re already enjoying the looking from their mother please let’s be careful on how we treat our children uh the first question before i go to my own i have a niece of five years a nephew of four years how can we straight them up they are becoming naughty as they grow uh this is part of what we have said and it’s not a question we can actually jump into however i’m just going to try oh uh pastor richard do you want to take the question up or you want me to go ahead um i can just add to i can just share something uh regarding to that question is that um it’s never too late to start however depending with also the age of the child but uh from the look of uh you know the question that you just asked it’s the children are still young and you can still try and you know change the way they behave but it’s it’s uh you have to sit down with them and make it uh clear to the children you know i think there are three of them make it clear to the children that you know as parents we are not we’re not perfect so you also have to sit down with them and tell them you know the way we’ve been we’ve been doing things in the house it’s not been the right way maybe you’ve not been punishing them or you’ve not been introducing consequences so you just let them know that you know as a parent i’m not perfect and i’ve learned something new and therefore we want to start you know one two three things and therefore this is what is gonna happen and uh so you you you like list them down and don’t don’t put so many negative consequences you can just have one consequence for you know for a bunch of things or uh some you know like if it’s five things that you think it’s a misbehavior you can just give one consequence for all of them you don’t have to have so many listed out and therefore uh when you talk and you sit them down you tell them from now on this is how we’re going to be doing it when you do this this is going to happen when you do this this is going to happen and also as a parent you have to make sure that you follow through uh if it’s a child that has a a lot of things going on with him or her you just find that one thing that is you know very um i would say maybe it’s the most bad behavior and deal with that don’t concentrate on the other because there are those that dominate other other behaviors you know a child can be maybe he doesn’t listen or maybe he has tantrums maybe he throws things so you just look for that one particular uh if it’s a child that it has has a lot of issues for example you just look for that one particular issue that you think it’s a big concern compared to the other issues and you concentrate on that because if you try to pick on the child on every little thing then the child also becomes frustrated so i would say pick on that particular thing that one thing that you think it’s a big issue it’s a big deal and deal with that issue first when you get that right you know then you can start you know uh i believe you can start dealing with the other issues because the thing is with children if you’re gonna make a a big deal of over everything you know toys are not cleaned up maybe they’ve not walking up the time that you want them to wake up maybe they’ve not brushed their teeth maybe they’ve not done this if you’re going to be picking up on every little thing then you have to make sure that there’s a consequence that follows because your bees is talking but there’s no consequence that follows so it becomes like a habit to them that you know they are used to it that you’re going to talk and you won’t do anything so i would say uh it’s never too late sit them down talk to them that you know we’ve been doing things we’re going to be doing things differently now and this is what is going to happen and as a poem sorry when am i gonna be okay i’m just reading somebody’s question to you all right okay go ahead go ahead yeah so and the other thing as i said you know sit them down talk to them you need to establish rules so make sure they know the rules that this is what is going to be happening from now henceforth okay when this happens all right this is happening when this happens yeah go ahead thank you so much i know you if i give you three hours it’s not enough for you to explain things thank you very much thank you i really appreciate it however you know apparently i have a similar question that already i put down i have this question with me before yeah just send in the question and let’s see how we can go on the questions today i have a similar question that says what can i do when my child is not listening it doesn’t want to listen to anything you know sometimes when we say the child is not listening most of the time if i really want if it’s a personal question if it’s one-on-one if somebody’s asking me this question what i do is ask a lot of questions because sometimes they are not listening or my child is stubborn it’s not the case there is different between being stubborn and trying to understand what you’re saying so this is not a question that i have a direct question because i’ve not seen the child to evaluate and sometimes at this stage you have to be sure the child is okay you know these things there are little little things here and there so and again you have to check yourself your child your mirror you cannot just say at four or five i said my child is not listening how did you get to that point so there is a lot of things to be checked you can’t just jump just like he has said so i put down i said to myself regulate your own emotion remember your job to love because if a child is seriously not listening at four or five and the child the parents are worn out you have to start from yourself first because already you’re stressed you’re already shouting you’re already transferring aggressions so the best solution is you know you want to now go back to the foundation and rebuild what is the foundation of you so forget about the children and think about yourself regulate your emotion think about how you pass across the instruction are the instructions clear enough am i leaving by example am i modeling what i want to see in my children when all these things are tick tick check check check okay that is where you can go ahead to check how can you instill discipline in your children because at that stage i made a video recently it’s a comprehensive video by and how a video on youtube is there on how you can get to know your child’s interest before the age of one and a lot of people are sending messages already it’s not possible children and it’s okay i’m not saying it’s possible it’s my view everybody’s okay to the opinion you can make your own video also and think what you know you know this kid they hear from pregnancy so parenting must be intentional any intentional parents cannot wait until four however it has happened we are not judging anyone so you have to now check check yourself what have i done wrong what have i not done wrong so you check yourself and find out and ensure that your direction is clear bring me the cup you’re not telling it three years old baby can’t you see the cup are you blind back up are you blind i said drink up that is not a direction that is not an instruction they don’t understand you’re getting them messed up in the cycle then psychologically you’re getting them next up clay direction the cup is on the table bring me the cup sometimes you have to use gestures especially when they are still below two years you have to use gesture calmness don’t forget your calm voice your [ __ ] face and your cambodi you are trying to calm your voice but your body’s already boiling you don’t pass on your aggression parenting is intentional and it’s personal i know we have a lot of questions and yeah i know we have already lost some time before and i don’t want us to waste a lot of time and also add consequences and empathy add consequences uh can i get the phone okay i’ll just just give me a minute the question are coming so i just want to finish this add consequences and show empathy you know there is a way that you can be your child’s friend and also be the disciplinarian and this is a lot of this is the main part that a lot of people cannot handle they can’t handle it how can i be my child friend we are playing with laughing and when i say no he listens like sit down there right now and not even raising voice can you please see if they understand they should know when you are serious and when you are still your friends so when you say uh the reason why you are having a timeout is because you didn’t listen to the instruction and that’s why we have said before now you have to be here for a while but you know i love you but you really you really have to sit here and think about next time so that you don’t do the same thing so you ask add empathy to you let let them know that you feel their pain however they have to go through it not that because you are having adding empathy they’re not going to face their consequences they will still face consequences but with them realize that mommy actually understand what i went through and she’s together with me you understand she’s here with me all right can i have another question please another question i have where with me is uh my child is three years and she seems not to have interest in anything how i have tried but i could not it’s nothing it’s working i don’t know what interest my three years my child the child is not showing interest in any activity the parent has tried how can i all right how can i go about it this answer is right there in my last video it’s over one an hour video how can you know your child’s interest i would just advise please because of time just go ahead and go to our youtube channel uh episode 31 of parenting essentia is a comprehensive video it’s over an hour knowing your child’s interest is not an automatic thing you have to be patient especially when you get to the point of three years and you don’t know yet so it’s a lot of patience involved instead of you being ready to know because you have to be able to underline is that about the child knowing the interest okay i have there’s still messages coming in messenger please i need your help so you have to be able to no i will just read this one and i’ll give you from there let me say come that if i say even if you use a normal voice you will still use a loudly no i am not trying to i don’t understand this question loudly no then when you shouted on him he will start crying he’s already five years i’m afraid it may influence his younger one what do you think i should do it’s already five years when you use a soft voice he’s not answering but when he shout is crying this question is very sensitive and uh it goes back to now building a positive relationship because the child already know mommy’s gonna shout i’m gonna cry you have to really check what has been the routine because there is no reason why your child should not listen when you use a soft voice many times also we should not overlook some things we have to be sure the child is getting the instruction and not on the spectrum it is very important because i always say early intervention is the key waiting a day is not good at all a child should listen to instruction but when the child is not getting the instruction not listening you have to check is my instruction cleared was it cleared because sometimes you know the instruction is like no it’s background noise you are giving an instruction to a boy who is watching tv now so your voice is like [ __ ] background noise mommy’s saying something but i can’t hear so you think your child is not ready to listen to you but your your voice at that moment is not the priority because you hardly cannot hear it i think i’m going to be important oh my gosh in many ways i’ll go ahead with fasting and water so so you’re just going to um understand you have to be very careful please uh those that’s some of these questions we might not be able to suck them online now please if you don’t mind you can drop your number and i’m going to give you a call later because it’s not everything we can say here because we can before we can conclude this is the solution to a challenge we have to fully understand what the challenge is when the problem is not known and identified the solution is difficult to give but you have to check yourself it’s my instruction claire let me just leave it on that point today you have to do it now don’t do it because there is a younger one already thank you baby i love you so you have to be able to be to show you have to be sure that your direction is clear i’m just going to leave that on the that question the person that asked that question please let’s talk after this let’s talk after this that’ll be great all right thank you very much all righty next question please please help me all right and you have to increase your quality of your communication yeah i mean what you say we said that so increase quality of your communication communication another question says how do we manage a child repeating the same behavior already corrected many times what must i understand what is the issue what do i do what is my hope uh costs corrected for same issues five times within one hour and the child repeated the behavior again i can be frustrated okay this is another very sensitive question that doesn’t have yes uh pastor richard are you going to check it out before i say something go ahead pastor rachel did you hear the question pastor rachel the next work is not yes all right can you just drop something before i say something about the question um i’ll read the question again okay you mentioned uh been corrected several times and repeating the same mistake is it is that uh yes the child has been corrected like if we didn’t and the child is doing the same thing like five times as you said you know uh the parent they need also one to check how are you correcting the child you know is the instruction clear as i said before you need to properly and clearly tell the child why why you why why why you’re correcting them or why they’re facing the consequence you know you need to be clear you need to have develop a a clear instruction a clear plan uh i mean miss oya has said it all have a clear plan have a clear instruction as to why you’re correcting that child because sometimes you correct a child but they don’t understand you what exactly what you’re saying you know you say don’t put but don’t put where you know you don’t say don’t touch but don’t touch what you know something like that you have to be very clear and even the consequence um is the consequences yes is the consequence effective uh because you know sometimes i remember when my kids were younger than they are right now you would tell them to go we had we had this time out or thinking corner so you tell them to stand thinking corners sometimes they just stand there and they just they’re just happy actually because they’re just laughing and they’re enjoying the time okay mommy i don’t really remember yeah it’s a bad behavior so there was something before the child is telling you it’s not penny after giving a spank you know it’s not paining so that’s you know we’ve already abused and we have to attend to it carefully i think the question says five years see let me tell you there are children there’s no picture perfect every anywhere there’s no picture perfect at all and we cannot i i expect them to just listen to the instruction however if it is something that you are very sure that there is a clear direction and you have tried to come to that child’s level that’s why i said one of my videos you might need to sit on the floor with a child to connect for the child to understand that you what you empathize you understand you show empathy and you show that you are in this you have to put your put yourself in charles so you have to really put yourself in the child uh in the child’s each position think like a child if you are in this situation and you are not thinking like a child it’s not going to work as a child think why do i need to listen answer that question not because you are the mother but in the perspective of a child because it doesn’t make sense to the child but when you see that all these things have been checked don’t check done then you need to seek for help because sometimes a lot of child a lot of children they look okay but there is something you know delaying understanding is there we have to be sure the understanding is there the cognitive is instead a lot of children they just beat them for nothing but there’s no cognitive they don’t understand and because they look healthy they don’t have speech delay every other thing is there they don’t get to know that this is a challenge you know growing up i started finding out myself that this was actually a challenge i do say to my husband every time you know i actually escaped this one i knew it though it wasn’t giving a name at that particular time growing up but being going through special needs education and everything that i’ve done i started to realize that oh my god god saved me i was actually on this place i was actually on that place i was just everywhere which made me to understand more now that you know it’s not about looking healthy it’s not about growing normally it’s not about the child is talking sometimes there is something there that you have to attend to because there is no reason why after you have shown empathy after he has used positive reinforcement negative reinforcement and the child is still not listening and you have already mirrored you have modeled what you want to see in the life of the child and it’s not working then you have to check except you want to go to the other way which i don’t want to just jump into maybe spiritual there’s nothing spiritual actually but you just have to check yourself again it’s my direction claire and my mixing emotion with direction is very important when all this is in place and you have shown empathy you have shown clear direction and it’s tip past it persist then please seek for help you might need to see a specialist to help you evaluate the child all right the next question please i hope i’ve been able to answer that question we have more questions any more questions please let me unlock this phone thank you for waiting thank you for joining this is from the vision guide thank you for joining the special edition of parenting essentials from the vision guide okay in case in case where a child of two years old kept climbing tears uh climbing is normal i’ve not finished the question it’s okay it’s a gross motor skill now you know when we are we have to pay for gymnastics for our children people don’t get it back home they don’t want us to climb why why can’t we climb let me finish your question i just jump into that statement in case when a two a a child of two years old is climbing the chairs in the house and you don’t want him to get out with the same behavior what is the positive reinforcement or punishment for such a child without shouting or spanking him one day two years old child is if you beat a child of two years old you’re just you’re just making that you’re just reinforcing the negative reinforcement you’re just giving enforcement you can do it more because they don’t even understand however don’t forget that let’s be thankful that your child can climb at two years a lot of people are taking their children to therapy they cannot even take step they need therapy because there is no there is no um now the the physical development is not there there is no coordination there is no balancing so it’s normal for every child of two years that i want to climb it is okay however it is our duty to tell them that that is not safe for you and to teach them that you know that is why we have to take them out they have to burn the energy if you see that your child wants to play if you have a staircase join turn into game let’s go upstairs and come back we don’t climb chair because it’s not a good manner let’s use that case join the child you know the cat is helping you to walk out just help your child go through the stairs if you have a playground just go on slide take them out at that time and let them know this is not a good behavior because if you don’t actually tell them they will go out and do the same however they say when we can train our children you know i remember when one of my children growing up she really like of course you know i have a girl she likes lime bean and everything she likes to climb she likes to do everything she wants to climb in a very nice way so then i realized that the the better the earlier i take her to gymnastics the better for me she was one year plus oh yeah let’s go gymnastics and i saw the joy in her so the earlier we take what looks negative and turn it to positive is better for us there is a way we can always take that thing that advantage say i tell spirit there is nothing that is an advantage that thing that it seems like this is not good we can turn it and take advantage of it my children you can say some people say my child is talking so much interrupting i was just like that growing up but the advantage was not taken if my parents took the advantage and if they understood that this child is talking like this what am i going to do in engineering for god’s sake what what which school are one going to lose you know back then you tell me if you are brilliant you go to science like why do you have what is happening in science class in science for everybody i went but the only consolation i said in my last video i always say it is like i met my husband in that department that’s a good reward for me because my certificate my first degrees i didn’t get is almost as useless as nothing but the good thing that god has given me consolation at least i met my most coolest and some bubble you don’t understand that’s a package so there is always something even what i see that is the advantage but there’s always an advantage in every disadvantage if i didn’t go there maybe i won’t see him and god god knew god was aware that you have to go through that department to find that such a guy that’s cute and some god-fearing man that i prepared for you so what i might say take advantage of everything your child is doing is it too reactive don’t do it in the house because it’s not good your child will not go ahead and do it outside also climb the stairs run in your compound go to the playground and keep explaining at two years they the child might not be able to understand more but when you go out and do it with the child by the time the child is coming back already exhausted one two you explained you know the chairs are sitting you sit on the couch not for climbing that’s why we went through this tears tomorrow i’m gonna take you again so you get engaged get involved let the child see you as team partner we are in this together i also want to climb let’s go through the stairs i hope i’ve been able to answer that question another question please i think you know what yes it’s true the intervention is the key it’s not all about meeting their the milestones through you know i said something to parents don’t worry don’t say my my friend’s child is already reading her too and my own two years cannot even say more than two words as long as you’re doing your part and the child is not just stagnant there is a movement it’s okay then we end up meeting at the top what is bad is for you to overlook like no it’s okay my child is okay don’t be a selfish parent i always say no i have speech delay my child must ask which did they know do your part as parent and see the progress as long as you can see little progress in your child it’s okay as long as it’s not stagnation then we all meet at the top all right let’s uh okay ah the time is gone thank you for staying all right another question is there any certain way to start giving consequences to the action hmm pastor rachel over to you is there any certain age to start giving consequences to actions um i don’t think there’s any age uh because as we said every consequence has to be age appropriate appropriately so i mean um even a one-year-old you can give a consequence but as long as it’s age appropriate you know you you don’t expect a one-year-old maybe to take a privilege from them or or to do if you if you’re the kind of parent that maybe does use uh spanking to spank the a one year old i mean it won’t work you know so there is uh the consequences have to be age appropriate that is the fast thing because the young child has got to understand that oh i did this and mommy was not happy or you know daddy was not happy because they did you know a different thing so it has to they have to relate they have to understand that uh when i do this this happens you know but it all depends with age appropriateness that’s what i would say it all depends with age appropriateness because children are very they know more than we think they know they understand more than we think they understand yeah so thank you very much different different kind of parents that you find some of the parents are like uh their attitude is like children will always be children so they really don’t bother much to correct them and there are other parents that are like it’s either my way or the highway there are other parents as miss oya say they have they try to build a positive relationship with the ch with the children but also they do set up rules though we have a positive relationship with our children but this is the boundary you know and there are other parents that maybe they don’t even know where the child is at that particular moment if you ask them where’s your child or they don’t even they’re so uninvolved somewhere you know so yeah and you also have to follow the rules parents also have to follow the rules see my children by the grace of god i’m blessed to have them they are very clever they will state it to you live and direct so we better be ready because sometimes you don’t even know where to hide to don’t say it and don’t do it they will give you reasons and you have to explain yourself it’s like you are in the court you know and growing up for us that is like very rude and and this that’s the way i see them they’re getting more intelligent they are understanding you know mr kikuyu said uh how can i be like you my old guy you are my director we are just following your footsteps thank you so much god bless you all right okay see we have a lot of questions we can’t take them home because time is gone and i’m happy i appreciate people waiting what i’m going to do is i’m going to combine the remaining questions and i’m going to make video on them because of time we will not be able to take more questions and i’m going to be bringing uh my friend she’s the pastor i said before so permit me to call pastor rachel monene i know anytime i call on you you won’t say no and she’s going to be coming back again i know very soon when i call on her she’s going to come back again and we’re going to do this together the questions are quite the law we are receiving them on our dear on our messenger and everything so we will not be able sorry apologies today we won’t be able to answer all the questions because of time however i’ll bring her back and also i’ll try to make the response video on the questions all right and there’s something i want to say before we go align your expectation with reality we’ve we said it’s a scenario of a two year two years old two year five years but sometimes we forget to align we forget to align our expectation with reality two years old do you expect so much they are children is they realistic when you expect something is this realistic it’s two years sometimes we just woke ourselves up unnecessarily and start to fast and pray we just want that child to grow up it’s a process it’s a process please don’t forget to always align your expectation with reality and stop comparing your child stop comparing your child to your friend’s child comparison will not help you i said to people that have been privileged to talk to before if you use your children as friendship hey it’s a disaster going somewhere to happen it’s good to have friends but when you start becoming a parent let your parenting skills be you can emulate good things you can buy ideas but it’s not your standard because at the end of the day you will step on each other’s toes yes there’s the question for pastor rachel oh can i see the question please ah you pin it uh back there okay let me read from here oh this is my sweet friend back in the yeah mark universities ah this is cool madame adjournment i salute you i love you i miss you this is my good friend from university days i used to run after them please teach me what is the solution to this i don’t know why i went to uni engineering but i saw my husband she can relate she can relate she understands very well what i’m talking about i will wake you up you have to take don’t sleep obviously you cannot sleep you have to teach me this i don’t understand what the lecture i was saying today what is this what is this theory all right i’m just going to read a question from her right now she said read some sometimes back that after age of four it is up yeah after this one yes after age of four it is appropriate to spank but what happened when the spanking seems to make the child adamant rather than submit this okay uh it’s kind of a statement about spanking see i’m not going to say any word about spanking for parents educationally academically or whatever it’s you know by research spanking is a hero because the child is going to end up spanking uh another child however i cannot underline i know pastor richard doesn’t smoke for me i’m not supposed to say this online sometimes if it weren’t but they understand and we’re going to explain why why did i do that to you was that good i’m not happy doing that to you and that i know it’s not good you know that’s the way but however you know the word that i believe that is on the line fact that i can do my word say spank it spare the road and spoil the child i still believe in that world however i’ve seen parents that are just punking unnecessarily and it’s going to be a massive disaster very massive one your child will tell you is no more than beating ah it’s not modern beating and i’ve seen and this makes me remember something that happened when i was growing up there was this auntie that was close to my family she was married to a man at that particular time and this man we always beat her every single thing the man was bitter a married lady with broom you know this local broom she the husband would buy new room every time to beat that was the time i was talking to this auntie because i was privileged to have a lot of grown up as friends growing up and i realized i was just advising them we’re not going there today i don’t even know where i got this group from all right so the sister says something like one one time she said you know my husband didn’t beat me for one week i’m not feeling good i want him to beat me a grown-up said that yes she said i’m not happy he didn’t beat me i’m not happy that is already demonic you know and also the children can get to that point mommy didn’t beat me what is this now is the number that i’m beating it’s making me strong so when we get to that point we have failed experience and we will not feel a spirit it’s up to you if you’re going to use spanking or not i’m not going there it’s up to you if you think sometimes you want to spark is totally up to you but know why you’re doing that and let the child understand i am not saying spank please don’t quote me i am not saying spank it’s not my job with my research and what i’ve learned you’re not supposed to spank but if you want to do it please know exactly what you’re doing also it’s also uh okay uh do you okay let’s just stop for now and i’ll just say big thank you oh yeah okay yes please uh when it comes also to you know uh if you want to spank a child one thing also parents need to understand is that uh as you said you know it’s you don’t take your frustration on the child you have to be if you’re gonna be a parent that is spanking a child you have to make sure that you’re also in control of yourself because sometimes the parent are spanking your child and they are not in control of themselves and therefore it becomes something else you know you can do it once in a while but it should not be something that you introduce all the time because you know yes you make the child you make the child feel like is there something wrong with me like am i that bad you know and there are other so many things that you can see in the child that are positive you know you can introduce a positive reward so that to make them stop whatever they are doing you don’t have to write yourself do you know a lot of parents they like to spank but they don’t like to give reward when the child has done something good they don’t remember positive reinforcement but they remember the consequences so this is not fair for children as much as we are saying our present children is not good however when they have done something especially what they were doing wrong before let them know celebrate it talk about it this is good you have done well before you were not doing it like this that was why i was not happy with the action let them know let them know that they did it well and gave them reason why they should try to do more it’s very important i am just going to call this a day sincerely we have a lot of questions we have a lot of questions and then and i’m going to definitely bring her back and next in the next two weeks i have another special guest for us and back to back for every two weeks i have about three people ready to be coming on this platform it’s gonna be back to back please keep sharing our videos this video after now is gonna be on our youtube channel yeah it’s gonna be a night so if you want to listen again just go ahead it should be there by tomorrow this playback is going to be ready by tomorrow on our youtube channel just go ahead to the vision guide again sorry that’s our email never mind you see all right so just go to the division guide youtube channel and just watch again and please share with families and friends unless we are just learning together there is nobody who is perfect our parenting skills i’ve already mentioned a lot of errors if you watch our re-talk with merms we all share our opinion and i said about the things i did wrong and would we do better in my next set of twins you know so it’s about learning stuff it’s not about me so he said she knows oh no it’s not about me it’s about coming together to be better direct it’s about positive parenting it’s all about intentional parenting it’s all about the vision career parent so thank you so much for coming on this platform today however there is something i want to say quickly before we go because it relates a lot to our question it’s uh it relates a lot to the questions we have asked i said something i said i put it down man because i wanted to say it i said redirect instead of saying no especially when parent of i’ve seen that i had this question over and again oh yeah my child is always saying no to me you have to be direct if your child is saying no to everything ah come on it’s no are you listening no i’m calling you no there’s something wrong so you have to redirect your instruction for that moment your household are not allowed to use the word and or you cannot that word must die in your house don’t ever say no to the child the father any grown-up that is staying in your house it’s become part of your rules to help that child then instead of saying no you find a way of redirecting that word instead of using the word no for example instead of using don’t or stop why not can say uh you can say can we do this why not we try this just to use another world just you redirect it’s very important i’ve seen what i’ve seen uh children and parents coming to me and saying oh yeah my child is saying no he doesn’t want to listen and immediately the child is saying no it goes to my child doesn’t want to listen my child is not ready to listen no it’s not about your child doesn’t want to listen it’s about you redirecting and letting your child know that the what and no is not for every response he’s not very responsible thank you so much for today see i have a lot of on my notes that we can touch we definitely bring uh pastor richard back on our path platform and don’t forget in the next two weeks we have a special guest that is coming the flyer will be coming on by next week and after that we have a special guest also that will be talking about early childhood strictly early childhood that is in one month two weeks back to back so and also after that i’ll be bringing pastor richard back and also something great is going to happen in june i am bringing my mama pastor sharla back also by june so stay tuned it’s going to be amazing thank you so much pastor rachel i’m going to just allow you to say your final word and say whatever you want to say to people now but i just want to say thank you everyone you know it gladdens my heart to see how much turn how to see how people stayed even with it struggling with a connection at the beginning we moved from one platform to another but instead you know it’s it’s it’s what i you know i love you i love you i love you you’re the best and i’m not just playing about it i love you i may not call you i might not see you but the truth is i love you i can see a lot of people i can see a lot of people uh i’ve said about uh nikki noma is still right there missus i saw mrs uh uh yes isabella mr sister mary mrs johnson thank you so much everybody thank you thank you god bless you pastor richard over to you would you like to say one or two before i end this broadcast um what i will want to say you know the great book the great book says children are like arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior and with arrows what you do with arrows you target them i mean you aim them to a certain target and therefore for us our children are our arrows and we it’s our responsibility as parents to aim them you know to the direction that they ought to go which is the direction of success you know so as we are parenting and as we are disciplining our children as we are you know nurturing them and taking care of them uh we need to guide them and direct them to a you know to a path that will lead them to success to succeed and also success so it’s very important to be intentional about how we train our children uh you know put a structure in place make it clear however you know a clear cl plan in place uh that you know your your children will be able to to follow through and even you as a parent you’ll be able to follow through and it has to start with the parents you know the parents are the role models they’re the best example you know as you said we have to love your children but if if in the home there’s no love even between the parents it also reflects on the children so it has to start with your problem it’s a major problem it has it has to start with the parents the best thing a father can do for the children is to love their mother and the best thing the mother can do for the for the children is to love their father when the children see they will you know imitate that you know they should be able to learn love and swing you and your husband they should be able to learn empathy between you and your husband please clearing those on this platform this moment please let’s do it even if you’re not happy doing it do it for your children show empathy to your husband show love if there’s something in our family this children are sure of his lady daddy comes first mommy loves daddy daddy loves mommy they were discussing sometimes i know there is no time then they said no whatever mommy says that we say whatever that they say mommy we say they already know they wanted to do something i was overhearing them daddy mommy they said the same thing they received the same thing so that should be the testimony the parents the children should learn that empathy is a must we have to show love but we can’t tell them uh do this and we are not doing it it brings me back to your child your mirror yeah your child is nero thank you so much pastor rachel for coming and thank you everyone for saying i can’t see mommy part yes i can still see us just stay tuned she’s coming here next few weeks and it’s going to be awesome the fly is going to be hot and we are going to get more information on it thank you everyone thank you thank you i just want to give you all from your house right now i sincerely want to i can tell you one to her sister mary uh mommy part uh auntie doreen a day wound me a dead body thank you for joining dave is one joey please if i mother your name sorry sister lawrence thank you for joining us sorry pardon me one joey thank you for joining and i have um david one one joey thank you for joining and sister grace thank you for joining thank you for joining i can’t see everybody but that’s much that i can see for now thank you so much for joining i love you from the depth of my heart mr titum is right there i can’t see him again he’s still live mr kikumi are you still there i can’t see you anyways my husband said you are there all right i’m i’m sure bring you one of these this i know you’re tired schedule but you won’t say no to me because they really need to hear from the source my director all right thank you so much everybody thank you for joining and from all of us from the vision guide we say a very big thank you for joining thank you for staying thank you for taking the stress with us and just going to another platform are you still joined you reconnected thank you so much i really appreciate thank you so much from all of us thank you pastor rachel thank you for joining thank you for thank you so much wonderful words i really appreciate thank you for the opportunity thank you it was my pleasure that you are ready to come thank you very much and i appreciate it i’m not taking it for granted you are blessed nicely i’ve been trying to live for you i hope you were there that’s my kid sister yes i’ve not i’ve been trying to look for you everywhere that’s my one and only kid sister biological even though i have a lot of them i don’t worry a lot is there also you have my kids sister they are right there i love you all i love it we have a lot of you know how it is bye lizzy thank you so much we talk after the show thank you so much everybody i love you i love you i love you i love you stay blessed bye i’m gonna i’m gonna by the way my artist is nice you can contact the vision guide tvg styles you need to see this i’m going to post a video you need to see this please patronize us place your order go to our page place your order the vision geister anyways by the way thank you thank you thank you god bless you i love you.