How To Commit Voter Fraud in 2020

So you want to defraud an election? Good for you. Come with me and I’ll walk you through the process of committing a class E felony. First, a quick gut check. The FBI says there’s absolutely no coordinated fraud in our current electoral system… which means… YOU CAN BE THE FIRST. Let’s find out how… together! Voter fraud in person is the most obvious starting point. Here’s how it works: Step 1: Show up to a polling station Step 2: Claim to be someone else who also happens to live in that district! This could be tricky.

Since you could be 00:40 - recognized and that person could have already voted. Step 3: copy their signature exaaaactly. Step 4: Vote! Congratulations! You’ve committed a class E felony punishable by up to 5 years in prison! AND, you’ve added one whole extra vote. Now, most people get stuck after Step 4… because they’re in prison. Don’t be deterred. If you really want to sway an election, you’ll have to pay close attention to step 5. Step 5: Repeat steps 1 through 4 thousands of times. Remember: this step geometrically increases your chances of being arrested on a class E felony – or in this case, thousands of class E felonies.

01:17 - Wow, I can hear you say, in person voting fraud is hard, with few upsides. There’s got to be another way! Welcome, to part 2. This election, you’ve probably heard a bunch of yahoos barking about vote by mail fraud. And I bet you’re asking yourself… can I get in on that action? Well, the short answer is no. Because no one’s ever done it successfully and gotten away with it.

01:40 - But you’re a maverick! So let’s break new ground… TOGETHER! Step 1: Figure out everyone who’s voting by mail this year. Step 2: Steal tens of thousands of ballots. Now remember, there are two ways to do this. One way is to sneak around their homes for hours to steal the ballot in the exact time after the mailman drops it off, and before that person comes out to check their mail. This method, while tedious, can be incredibly rewarding for those who do it tens of thousands of times.

02:00 - This method, while tedious, can be incredibly rewarding for those who do it tens of thousands of times. Another way is to go house to house and ask if someone has a mail ballot inside, and if you can have it. Then really hope none of them call the police on you. Step 3: Somehow stop everyone from knowing their ballots were sent to you, and prevent the state officials from emailing, calling or paging the registered voters whose ballots you stole. I have literally no idea how to do this. Step 4: Match every voter’s signature exactly by somehow finding all of them and tracing each one by hand.

02:33 - Step 5: Fake a bunch of barcodes, exactly matching the security systems of every state. Step 6: Get past the judges who oversee the ballot counting process. Step 7: Sneak past election officials who have been running elections for decades. Step 8: Congratulations! You’ve successfully, and for the first time in modern history, voted enough times to change an election AAAND get away with it. Haha, well we’ve sure learned a lot today, but we’ve glossed over something important. You’re going to prison.

03:01 - Now plenty of you will say: “This is garbage.” Or “ Here’s an idea you didn’t mention.” Or “What about this guy on the internet who said he voted for his cat?” Well, he doesn’t exist. Someone who does exist is this man in Florida who applied for an extra mail in ballot for his recently deceased wife, in order to, in his words “Test the system.” He’s in prison now. So, to recap, voter fraud is super easy as long as you can: But don’t let all of this information deter you… RISE ABOVE! BE THE FIRST! And enjoy your stay in prison! .