7 Ways to STOP A NARCISSIST (How to Outsmart a Narcissist)

would you like to learn how to outsmart a narcissist and how much better would your life be if you knew how to deal with a narcissistic family member a narcissistic friend of a narcissistic colleague or boss well watch this video because i’m going to give you seven simple and easy ways to stop a narcissist if you’re new to my channel i’m sue blackhurst and i bring the world of social psychology into everyday language i post videos every monday and thursday so if you want to understand why people behave the way they do by subscribing to my channel you’re going to get weekly insights into the fascinating world of human behavior psychologically speaking narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree and like any characteristic it exists on a spectrum and we all fall somewhere along this narcissism continuum on the surface though narcissists are like regular people but something changes when assertiveness turns into arrogance self- love becomes self-centered and persuasion into manipulation we all feel good to be recognised on some level but narcissists have an excessive need for attention and it’s not that they want to be the center of attention they need this abundance of admiration and approval from others a true narcissist has a sense of entitlement seeing themselves as being exceptional with an inability to recognise the feelings and needs of other people and their condescending behaviour and vast fluctuations in mood lead to superficial and damaging relationships just as we need oxygen to breathe the narcissist needs the attention to survive or maybe i should say it’s not enough to survive they need the attention to thrive and well we’ve heard that somewhere before haven’t we so on the surface they are charming and captivating and have this unique ability to draw people in as you know the more enthralled and captivated you are the stronger they feel and it reminds me a little bit of Kaa you know the stake in jungle book as it’s like i want to say to you don’t look into their eyes as they will make you feel powerless as they draw you in with that enchanting aura but like any form of spell or superpower if you wait long enough it will wear off leaving you both emotionally and physically drained from the reality of the relationship that you’ve had with them but it’s not easy to handle their manipulative ways but you need to stop giving the narcissist what they need and the best way to take a narcissist power is to starve them of the incredible amount of attention that they crave so here are seven ways to starve a narcissist don’t react to their compliments a narcissist wants you to be around them they hate that feeling of not being noticed so they’re going to work extra hard to win your attention with lashings of compliments and verbal strokes of praise but they’re really clever because all of this is simply to get you into that feel-good state because if you feel good when you’re with them then why wouldn’t you choose to be by their side all the time but here’s the danger because in every double act one person is always the leader whilst the other is a stooge so before you know it you are being undermined and controlled as you cater for their every need and emotion and it really is incredibly easy to be drawn in but their compliments are empty and only provide this short-lived boost to the ego so if you are faced with their praise and overzealous compliments give them a very polite and courteous thank you as if you’ve loads of other things to do that are just way more important than their approval i have mentioned the penguins of madagascar before because i love their attitude don’t be drawn into their false friendship as there is no need to respond and as the penguins say just smile and wave boys smile and wave starve them of your secrets deep thoughts opinions and personal history when we share details about our lives we’re doing two things we’re creating or strengthening this intimate bond we have with the other person but we’re also building trust as we believe that our innermost thoughts feelings and actions will go no further but a narcissist acts from selfishness and it’s not a genuine interest so they will listen and nod in all the right places but they aren’t listening to help and support they’re simply stockpiling ammunition to use against you when they either need to pull you back into their web or cut you off altogether you see a narcissist feels this sense of power by retelling your secrets it’s that person that walks into the room saying oh my god guess what i know so this answer is don’t share anything about your life with a narcissist whatever the conversation is that you’re having imagine that you’re sat in a room full of people with all the people you know in your life that you like and dislike and if you wouldn’t want any of those people listening in to what you’re saying then don’t say it at all starve them of putting their needs over yours narcissists love a stage as it enables them to perform and see a reaction from the audience but what clever actors they are because they have the ability to alter their performance depending upon the reaction that they’re after and narcissists know exactly how to trigger people they know which ones to press and what to say and do to get you to react the way that they want because when they see the effect they’re having upon you such as an anger or sadness or frustration your defenses are lowered making it easier for them to step back in and regain control they don’t feel empathy or sorrow they begin to feel power so in order to starve them of the control that they crave don’t get emotional when they’re frustrating or upsetting you allow your mind to slowly wonder as you imagine them in a soundproof glass box you can see them but you can’t hear them look at them speaking find an item of clothing and inspect it think of the colour or the texture so as they’re talking your mind isn’t allowing their words to manipulate your mind what’s going around your head is oh what fancy buttons they’re wearing or i wonder if you can machine wash that fabric you can smile and nod in all the right places but you are placing your needs up of theirs as you don’t allow yourself to be drawn in as you have absolutely no interest in what they’re saying starve them of your self-control we know that there’s no such thing as a free lunch but with a narcissist there is no such thing as a favor with no strings attached because the narcissist will always try to collect on the favor that you never asked for or wanted the narcissist will make big promises you know that they never intend to keep it’s when you’re looking for a job and they claim that they know somebody and will put in a good word or they know of an opening and it’s in the bag if you want it but none of these things you’ve asked for or wanted or probably needed which is actually quite relevant because the narcissist never had any intention of doing anything about it in the first place but what they will do down the line is they will remind you of how much they have done for you and therefore what you now owe them in return so start the narcissist of all strings attached by not allowing them to take away your self-control make sure that you accept no favors and then you will owe nothing in return starve them of your empathy narcissists are like those old door-to-door salesmen when all they needed was to get one foot in the door and they could sell anything to anyone but in order to sell anything you need to build up this relationship with the customer and learn about the customer needs so the narcissist will work overtime to prove how much they know you are not there for you buttering you up with loving text messages or little thoughtful gifts and gestures and then when you lit expect it they will go in with a closing statement almost asking you to sign your life away and you have no idea how you’ve been drawn in yet again to starve a narcissist of your empathy don’t fall for actions that require you to commit to or buy into their own needs if they have a great idea or come to you with the you’re the only one i can turn to or ask be polite and still be kind but just like the door-to- door salesman you do have the right to say thank you very much but you’re not interested in what they have on offer today starve them of your engagement let’s be totally honest here you would need to be an absolute saint to have never uttered a bad word about anyone else right or wrong reality tv and social media are platforms encouraging us to err our views and opinions and what other people are doing saying or even wearing we even get the chance to vote for people we like the least and have them evicted all in the name of entertainment whether it’s at the school gates or over lunch there will usually be at least one conversation related to what somebody else has done or said but here’s the thing if two people are sharing thoughts about someone else again i’m not talking about right or wrong this is simply about the simple fact that it happens it’s a private two-way conversation between two people and unless one of them has no view or opinion and says clearly i’m not getting involved both people will usually voice some negativity but when one of them then goes off and tells the targeted person what has been said by the other person which is often embellished and taken out of context they have only one motive and mind and that is to cause pain and hurt in order to be seen as the trusted savior i discussed in my last video how we don’t all like everyone so having an opinion about someone else is simply human nature but the person who gains enjoyment for relating what someone else has said when they were co-conspirator unless it’s essential that person knows they are the dangerous narcissistic person to watch out for so starve them with your engagement don’t gossip with them about anybody or anything as whether it’s malicious or not the narcissist is the wolf in sheep’s clothing remind yourself if a friend tells you something that causes them pain for your gain you can trust them if they tell you something that causes you pain for no gain then question their friendship starve them of your interest you weren’t put on this earth to be an energy source or emotional support for a narcissist and if you keep giving them your attention and engaging with them their toxic presence will stay in your life for a long long time but if you stay emotionally neutral uninterested and unengaged the narcissist will turn to someone else to get their needs met it’s not your fault narcissists are the way that they are and it’s not your responsibility to fix them so when dealing with a narcissist your only responsibility is not to let them destroy you as a means to get the attention that they so desperately need if you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic traits you must learn how to protect yourself by developing the skills to manage your emotions and stay calm in response to the narcissist tactics if you want to build your mental strength and face the obstacles and challenges in your life then now is the best time to make the decision to do something about it i’ve developed a program that will help you regain control of your life 2020 has put more pressure on us than ever before and you are not alone if you feel like you’re struggling to cope so why not join all the other women who are turning their lives around by finding both a purpose and the emotional freedom to be happy you can go at your own pace as a little bit of motivation every day will gradually build up allowing you to start making plans for your future knowing that whatever it holds you’re going to be okay i also have my training video on understanding and managing stress and i’ll use a simple t-stirrer to help you identify whether you are hitting the danger areas of stress or just under pressure and still able to make simple but positive changes to your life the program costs less than lunch out with a friend and can be accessed from the link in the description box below thank you so much for watching don’t forget to like share the video and do leave me a comment with your thoughts and questions and if you’ve not already subscribed then this is the time to do it do take care and i will see you next time .