Kings Quest 5 in 26:36 (Current WR)

00:31 - HONK honk HONK honk No time for pie, Dr. Jones fish prep [ squeaky sexy bee noise ] Time for everyone’s favourite part…

01:24 - Deeeep huuurting. . DEEEEEP HUURRRTTTINNGG {shout out to my MSTies out there} Sweet nectar I still mash all the buttons here in the hope that somehow this scene will skip. Never has though.

02:23 - bai Finally figured out roundabout where to position the hand to be ready for the staff in the tent. Not really anything to line it up with so. . not perfect Like that sneaky little corner cut there? :3 ugh Took some time to figure out what frame of animation that the narrator pipes in on so you don’t try to skip to early or too late.

03:44 - This time. . temple first. Graham knocks between 3 and 5 times here and I have no idea what the relevance to anything might be This game’s programming is barely holding together as it is so ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Rock climbing, Joel. .

04:22 - I call that little bunch of rocks on the right the “warning turds” Uno mas. .

04:48 - Finally got that timing down. . YASS WITCH Good luck comes so rarely that it catches me off guard and I forget what the heck to do One of my least favourite icon cycles here, but followed up by my favourite so hey, net zero.

05:56 - Here’s my fave. Inventory, open bag, grab honeycomb. BIPBOPBOPBIP Success is measured by how many words of narration get cut off at the end. My best is “Graham find three sp-” yoink Also do a lot of pointless mashing in the hopes of a skip. Only worked once so far. .

07:08 - Graham is chopped liver Yeah. . YOU’RE WELCOME This is the “do-gooder” part of the run Sticks, wheels, n’ needles One day. ONE DAY… this song will skip. But until that day. .

08:00 - WE’RE THE AAAAAAAANTS… [unpleasant ant whistling] boop Graham’s Farewell Serenia Tour Technically, holding escape is faster to skip dialogue, but it can cost more time than it saves sometimes.

09:18 - Here for example- you can escape through the first bit of dialogue, but on the second it’ll bring up menus that you’ll get lost in. See ya never Serenia Today is a good day to pie Austin, someone was gonna want to eat that. . I’ve actually never had a custard pie. I imagine they’re pretty bangin Maybe if I ever regain the WR, that will be my reward.

10:40 - So much unskippable nonsense in this game. .

10:49 - donk This is also another choke point from getting the rope and using the hammer I still don’t know where to position the hand to open the cupboard after, but eh, it’s fine Let’s leave the lowlifes in the lowlands behind Gonna run up that hill just like Kate Bush Yumm. . look at all those delicious rainbow splits. . I both love and hate this part, but if you can get the cloak and meat on a moving target first try, that’s a party.

12:14 - Sled at the ready YESSSSS. KILLL HIMMMMMM Whelp, instant karma got me I guess. .

12:53 - My success at getting the harp ready for the next scene is so low, I get all confused when I actually do it Lead on. .

13:06 - There’s a sometime skip here, but it’s stupid rare Lots of careful clicking coming up. .

13:35 - Get the yeti nice and close and he takes less time to fall to his death Invisible cursor bug -_- WARNING Nothing much special in this part. Basically plays itself until you hit the beach. See you there. .

14:54 - Hello again I have trouble getting the wax in and knowing when it’s safe to switch to the hand to get in the boat. There’s some sneaky dialogue that pops up Zig zag up and down to safe a second or two From here on out, it’s all praying for random cutscene skips and happy RNG gods If any meaningful skips happen, it’ll be here or with the old man in a bit I might get a skip here. . maybe 5% of the time? Your pain is my pleasure Cedric You can zig zag here one for a maybe half a second time save Ok old man. . let’s dance Not terrible door timing. That can take anywhere between half a second to like, 3 seconds.

17:04 - Stop asking why. I know I have. I once got some skips here that made my stomach all a-flutter. Seriously saved 30 seconds.

17:42 - Of course I whiffed the run on the second blue meaning in the caste and I wanted to die I would have felt bad submitting a time for WR that was only due to a random-ass skip that is in no way replicable anyway sour grapes A week or so ago, my game derped so hard that I would get a consistent skip here that lopped off 20 seconds. That lasted until I restarted ScummVM.

18:33 - Kinda wish I never did and just kept Scumm open like that forever. But again, I want to actually earn a decent time instead of lucking into it.

18:55 - Split is when the boat disappears from view.

18:59 - No particular reason. Boat ride to RNG hell. . where good runs go to die.

19:26 - The first bit of the game is technical, the second bit is luck, And this bit can f*ck right off Still no idea why the game pauses here. It’s King’s Quest 5. Things are just what they are. What a GRATE skip When memorising this maze, I would forget to start by going left or right So I would think of the song “Sgt. Baker” by Primus. The chorus goes “LEFT. RIGHT. LEFT. RIGHT. ” Heeey Dinky I’m awful at getting from here to the door, using the hairpin and getting in.

My hands just stop working. Getting the peas and moving into the next room. . bad at that too but this time I took it slower and was OK Once lost a great run but hitting Enter and getting stuck in the cutscene. True story. Terrible story.

20:55 - YASSS. YOU’RE MY BOY BLUE! tuck n’ roll Graham So here’s yet another moment when everything can go horribly horribly wrong First, long wait for Cassie? Atta girl Thanks for the rescue, time to despawn you.

21:41 - Ugh we’re no better than Alicia the tree princess. .

21:47 - Anyway, the second Blue Meanie bit is the mind killer.

21:52 - He can either show up early and ruin you, or 40 seconds later. WHO KNOWS So I’ve learned to be ready here, just in case.

22:04 - Eat peas you cerulean jerkwad no cats no cats no cats no cats yiss cats cats cats cats cats cats CAAAAAAT! Again, my good fortune catches me off guard This part is the very definition of “hurry up and wait” does it though? We’re here for a minute a half so go grab some water if you need it Me? I like to take Graham ice skating on the rug Make your own fun god please You haven’t fast forwarded yet? You’re tenacious.

I like that. Little evil wizzy needs his nappy wap The rest from here is just inventory usage, so nothing terribly intricate There is a new skip coming up you might like When the machine is running, hold down enter (which is basically just left mouse click) You’ll know it’s working cause the machine will go silent Like we haven’t had enough waiting around in silence in this game Ding, fries are done.

25:22 - So now Mordack will appear instantly instead of after that 5-6 second evil fanfare DO IT MMMMMMmmmYYEESSSssssss I’m dreadfully slow at the magic wand business Hang on. . this takes a second… HHNNGHGHGHGHH Aaaand. .

26:51 - TIME Didja notice how the splits there on the right instantly updated to “World Record by me”? I thought that was real cute Well that’s it, thanks for turning on Silly Clowns Mode. Hoping to beat this time sometime soon, but think I deserve a little break. . and some custard pie :d.